Estrangement creates this lie we believe. When a son or daughter chooses to walk away, you feel you must be a bad mother because why else would they choose to reject you?
No matter what the cause of the estrangement, you will bear guilt and shame and feel that you’re a bad mom. What you feel isn’t always a true assessment of reality.
As you read today, we’ll flip that narrative and I’ll offer a distinct perspective for you to consider.
Motherhood – the Early Years
Remember those precious early years with your son or daughter? Your pure bundle of joy. And then came the terrible two’s and as I call them – the horrible threes. Once they reach four years of age, they become human.
Until pre-teen and teenage hears when they revert to someone with whom you find it difficult to relate. Nothing you do is right and of course they know more than you. But you love them through it and eventually, they become a delight once again.
However, at some point, the relationship deteriorates for one reason or another and they choose to walk away and your heart is broken. How could this be? You struggle to understand what happened that warranted such a drastic change.
Truth Versus Lies in Estrangement
One of the greatest disappointments in an estranged relationship is the lies you believe. One of those is that you are a bad mother. Do you really believe that? Naturally, every one of us as moms have made our share of mistakes.
No one is perfect and truth be told, there may be some valid reasons your child is upset. Return for a minute to those early motherhood days and remember the terrific mom you were.
Loving, caring, nurturing and a great provider.
While you may feel like a failure, do you really believe that you failed as a mother? What would you say if someone walked up to you and said, “You’re a bad mother.” It would hurt, but wouldn’t you defend yourself?
Firstly, you would ask on whose authority they are making that accusation. Who are they that they would be able to so boldly state that you failed. And that would be a great first question.
Secondly, you might refute that argument with attributes of being a good mom. Lovingly feeding, nurturing, and caring for your child. Rearing them in a biblical home. Praying consistently for them throughout their years.
That’s the spirit I hope you’ll adopt when those dreadful thoughts come into your mind. Because when you really think about it, you’ll realize the accusation that you’re a bad mom is truly a lie.
How To Stop Feeling Like a Bad Mother
If you want to stop feeling like a failure as a mom, begin to discern the Lord’s voice. You’ll always hear a voice speaking in your spirit. It’s your own thoughts, God’s thoughts implanted by His Holy Spirit living in you or Satan trying to discourage you.
Romans 8:1 state “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Any condemning thoughts planted in your mind are not from God.
As you read scripture and learn the voice of the Lord, you’ll see His words are affirming, loving, and encouraging. He certainly will convict you of wrongdoing, but He doesn’t speak to His children in a condemning manner.
Satan on the other hand comes to steal, kill and destroy according to Scripture. Steal your joy and hope, kill your relationships and especially the one with the Lord and destroy your faith if you allow it.
When you are in Christ, Satan has no authority over you. Don’t hand it over to him.
Listen to the podcast I recently recorded on how to stop feeling like a failure as a mom. You can find it at www.beckykolb.com/79
Reclaim your Rightful Place as mom
My sister in Christ, I am prayerful that you are encouraged by this message. That you will reclaim the identity you have in Christ and that you’ll reject the lies Satan plants in your head.
You are a good mom. The very angst you feel over this estrangement says so. Your prayers and longing to reconcile and willingness to do what it takes is evidence that you are a loving and caring mom.