Work with Becky
You are not alone! The myth of estranged relationships
For the most part, you do well to manage estrangement. It is what it is. But triggers appear out of nowhere and you feel profound shame and think you’re the only one going through this. It’s often called a silent epidemic for a reason. You don’t want to admit that you feel embarrassed and ostracized. Would it surprise you to know that most every woman with estrangement feels the same as you?
I know the emotional pain of estrangement well. From a kid whose father abandoned her to an adoptive father with whom she had issues to an entire family rejecting me during a divorce and giving up an adopted child, I intensely feel your pain.
And that’s why I’ve created a 4-part system to help you fill that hole in your heart.
These four strategies will help you shift your mindset from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what’s right with me.” And that will set you on a path to take control of the emotions and pain in a manner that is healthy for your physical, mental and spiritual health.
Here are the 4 phases of work we will do together to help you let go of bitterness and painful memories, pursue peace, passion and purpose in your life:
Master Your Mindset & Gain Confidence
Let’s face it, estrangement shreds your self-esteem. You feel exposed, judged and ostracized. I’ll help you shift mental blocks that hold you back and keep you stuck in a pity party you don’t want to attend.
- Together, we’ll find ways to leverage your strengths and shift mental blocks that hold you back.
- You’ll develop thicker skin and no longer allow judgements & criticisms to define who you are.
- You’ll have more confidence to see what estrangement has done for you and not just to you.
Confront Guilt & Shame with Authority
Guilt and shame work together to keep you locked in a mental prison. You feel guilty for your part or what you perceive as your fault. And shame as you wonder if you are a terrible person. Maybe even God thinks you are unworthy and unlovable. You aren’t.
- We’ll look closely at the words you speak to and believe about yourself and identify what’s true and what’s not.
- You’ll acquire the confidence and authority to silence these two accusers.
- You’ll be able to look at the estrangement with fresh new eyes, examine truths, own your part and end the cycle that continues to lead to self-pity.
Learn To Forgive – The Fundamental Key to Your Peace.
Forgiveness is not one and done. It’s a process and you’ll learn how to forgive yourself and extend that to those who have hurt you whether you reconcile. And experience the profound peace that follows.
- Together, we’ll explore the hard process of forgiveness and what giving or withholding it means to your ultimate peace of mind.
- You’ll discover that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation or restoration and you’ll develop a plan that you desire.
- You’ll be able to explore growth opportunities & break free from replaying the hurt repeatedly.
Establish Boundaries & Non-Negotiables for Healthy Relationships
Expectations set you up for failure. Boundaries protect you. And they will also protect healthy relationships, so you aren’t mistakenly sabotaging those.
- Together, we’ll identify your triggers and a plan to respond as they come seemingly out of nowhere.
- You’ll get to choose your boundaries and non-negotiables in any reconciled relationship.
- We’ll explore how to live with continued estrangement and prevent bitterness from taking root
The peace you sought can be yours. You can find freedom from guilt/shame, rebuild self-confidence, learn the process of forgiveness and set boundaries for healthy relationships.
My story of estrangement involves discovering a relationship with God. As I worked through my estrangement, guilt and shame I wondered if God loved me or could ever forgive me. What I discovered is that he was not condemning or judging me. In fact, he was waiting for me to turn around to his open arms of love, forgiveness and acceptance. I learned that my view of God was negatively impacted by my biological and adoptive fathers. Reconciling with God gave me the desire and ability to reconcile with both of my earthly fathers and have a good relationship in their later years.
I offer this to those who are open to talking about their relationship (or lack of) with God, but it is strictly your decision. I do not force my spiritual beliefs on others. For those that are kicking the tires on a relationship with God or coming back to him, this module is included either as stand-alone or incorporated with each of the 4 steps of the program.
So, what’s next? How can you work with me to find the success you seek in dealing with the emotional pain of estrangement?
Let’s get acquainted as you tell me a little about you. Simply fill out the short questionnaire below. It will come to my inbox, and you’ll get an email confirmation from me shortly after. I’ll then be in touch to discuss the next steps.
Becky Kolb
Estrangement and Relationship Coach