Work with Becky
You are not alone in estrangement and the emotional pain it creates! And I can help you rediscover hope!
For the most part, you do well to manage estrangement. It is what it is. But you still struggle to understand why someone you have loved and cared for could abandon a relationship. You try to make sense out of it and can’t. Triggers appear out of nowhere and you feel profound shame and think you’re the only one going through this. And sometimes you feel as if others are judging you and blaming you for being a terrible person. It’s often called a silent epidemic for a reason. You don’t want to admit that you feel embarrassed and ostracized. Would it surprise you to know that most every person with estrangement feels the same as you?
I know the emotional pain of estrangement well. From a kid whose father abandoned her to an adoptive father with whom she had issues to an entire family rejecting me during a divorce and giving up an adopted child, I intensely feel your pain. When your kids reject you it’s easy to wander down the slippery slope of despair, depression and dependency upon numbing agents like alcohol or other substances.
And that’s why I’ve created a plan to help you fill that hole in your heart. My passion is to help others just like you learn to break free from the guilt, shame and blame. And to learn communication and boundary practices to help you reconnect and restore those broken relationships. You’ll learn how to shift your mindset to know your true identity and value. And, re-discover or possibly discover for the first time a God that loves and pursues a relationship with you.
The strategies I use will help you shift your mindset from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what’s right with me.” And that will set you on a path to take control of the emotions and pain in a manner that is healthy for your physical, mental and spiritual health. You’ll discover inner peace that will enable you to discover your passion and purpose just as I did. And you’ll find that the new you will be a catalyst for restored and reconciliation with those you love and care about.
Here are the 4 phases of work we will do together to help you let go of bitterness and painful memories, pursue peace, passion and purpose in your life:
Master Your Mindset & Gain Confidence
Let’s face it, estrangement shreds your self-esteem. You feel exposed, judged and ostracized. I’ll help you shift mental blocks that hold you back and keep you stuck in a pity party you don’t want to attend.
- Together, we’ll find ways to leverage your strengths and shift mental blocks that hold you back.
- You’ll develop thicker skin and no longer allow judgements & criticisms to define who you are.
- You’ll have more confidence to see what estrangement has done for you and not just to you.
Confront Guilt & Shame with Authority
Guilt and shame work together to keep you locked in a mental prison. You feel guilty for your part or what you perceive as your fault. And shame as you wonder if you are a terrible person. You wonder if even God thinks you are unworthy and unlovable. You aren’t.
- We’ll look closely at the words you speak to and believe about yourself and identify what’s true and what’s not.
- You’ll acquire the confidence and authority to silence these two accusers.
- You’ll be able to look at the estrangement with fresh new eyes, examine truths, own your part and end the cycle that continues to lead to self-pity.
Learn To Forgive – The Fundamental Key to Your Peace.
Forgiveness is not one and done. It’s a process and you’ll learn how to forgive yourself and extend that to those who have hurt you whether you reconcile. And experience the profound peace that follows.
- Together, we’ll explore the hard process of forgiveness and what giving or withholding it means to your ultimate peace of mind.
- You’ll discover that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation or restoration and you’ll develop a plan that you desire.
- You’ll be able to explore growth opportunities & break free from replaying the hurt repeatedly.
Establish Boundaries & Non-Negotiables for Healthy Relationships
Expectations set you up for failure. Boundaries protect you. And they will also protect healthy relationships, so you aren’t mistakenly sabotaging those.
- Together, we’ll identify your triggers and a plan to respond as they come seemingly out of nowhere.
- You’ll explore methods to reconcile if you choose. And choose your boundaries and non-negotiables in any reconciled relationship.
- We’ll explore how to live with continued estrangement and prevent bitterness from taking root.
The peace you seek can be yours. You can find freedom from guilt/shame, rebuild self-confidence, learn the process of forgiveness and set boundaries for healthy relationships. And discover peace with yourself and God. Even amid estrangement. And learn the healthy way to approach reconciliation.
My story of estrangement involves discovering a relationship with God. As I worked through my estrangement, guilt and shame I wondered if God loved me or could ever forgive me. The judgments and accusations of others played loudly in my mind. What I discovered is that God was not condemning or judging me. In fact, he was waiting for me to turn around to his open arms of love, forgiveness and acceptance. I learned that my view of God was negatively impacted by my biological and adoptive fathers. Reconciling with God gave me the desire and ability to reconcile with both of my earthly fathers and have a good relationship in their later years. And by forgiving myself, I could focus on those estranged from me in a new and healthy way.
I offer this discussion to those who are open to talking about their relationship (or lack of) with God, but it is strictly your decision. I do not force my spiritual beliefs on others. It may surprise you that for many years, I didn’t want to step foot in Church. Sometimes it’s the Christians in our life that hurt us the most. For those that are kicking the tires on a relationship with God or coming back to him, this module is included either as stand-alone or incorporated with each of the 4 steps of the program
So, what’s next? How can you work with me to find the success you seek in dealing with the emotional pain of estrangement?
Let’s get acquainted as you tell me a little about you. Simply fill out the short questionnaire below. It will come to my inbox, and you’ll get an email confirmation from me shortly after. I’ll then be in touch to discuss the next steps.
Becky Kolb
Estrangement and Relationship Coach