Hi, I'm Becky Kolb
I never expected to walk through family estrangement nor did I realize how deeply it would affect my faith, identity and purpose. Estrangement doesn't just disrupt a relationship; it disrupts the roles you thought you would always have.
A grandchild is born and you’re excluded. Holidays are not the same without your loved one. You receive a cold text or worse – silence when you send one. Months turn into years and you feel yourself becoming bitter and resentful. Therapy has helped some but it isn’t addressing the spiritual longing and peace that you seek.
I encourage you to read my story of estrangement in the link below. My journey of estrangement dates back to my early years with a biological father. Fast forward to a difficult divorce, giving up an adopted child and all the trauma that centered around those decisions. Family estrangement ensued for years and affected my relationships with core family including my son, daughter and extended family members. Remarriage included estrangement with others in a blended family.
The feelings of unworthiness, guilt and shame hung around my neck like a heavy weight. Rejected by those I loved, I never thought I would be whole again. My relationship with God was non-existent. The pain of estranged relationships weighs you down. Acceptance, forgiveness, love and peace seemed a thing of the past.
My personal experiences, the peace I discovered and the freedom to live again along with my professional certification as a life coach are geared to help you walk through your estrangement. And discover the peace for which you so desperately long.
While circumstances differ, the grief and emotional pain is the same. When a loved one rejects you or no longer wants to be a part of your life, your role changes. You may be estranged from a daughter or daughter-in-law that results in you no longer having a role in the lives of your grandkids. It hurts – deeply.
Estrangement Changed Me
My role as mother, daughter, sister, grandmother and aunt were all negated for a time. I felt like a total failure. Was I a terrible person? How could someone I loved so much just abandon the relationship? Would I ever have a relationship with these people again? Honestly, I didn’t know.
I struggled with self-worth as I believed what others said about me. Guilt and shame were constant companions. Anger, bitterness and resentment followed and soon I cycled between feeling betrayed and being a terrible person – neither of which were conducive for a healthy relationship with anyone, especially God.
I needed a major breakthrough in my life.
Although God and my faith had been an important part of my life, I was confused and struggling with it all. Honestly, I missed my faith in God. It had been along time since I opened a Bible or even prayed. I just knew that God must surely hate me if my own family did – and if Christians were going to judge me like this, then I wanted nothing to do with it. Yet, God seemed to be nudging me to come back to him.
And that’s exactly where God met me when I cried out to him. Confessing the guilt and utter mess of my life, imagine my surprise when I turned back to him to see his arms were open wide welcoming me back. The first relationship to heal was with Jesus. It was the breakthrough I had been desperately seeking.
That’s where I discovered the key to wholeness – whether or not the relationship reconciled. Forgiveness and restoration was the eventual result that brought lasting peace. I’ve reconciled with my family and relationships are stronger than they were before we were estranged. Was it easy? Absolutely not. Was it worth the effort? Most certainly.
Do all relationships heal and reconcile? No. Estrangement may last for a period or for a lifetime. The one person you have control over is you. God wants your heart – broken as it is. You can find peace even if the relationship never restores. And it begins with God. I’ll walk with you through the steps to find your wholeness, healing, forgiveness and lasting peace.
How to Pursue Peace Amid Estrangement
My Approach – Biblically based Meeting You Right Where You Are
- Christ-centered without judgment
- Compassionate and understanding
- Practical, steady and grounded
- Hope filled without false pretenses
You don’t need reconciliation to experience peace.
You were never meant to carry this pain and as you reclaim your identity in Christ you’ll learn how to live fully again.
The WHOLENESS Path is an approach that I use in coaching to help women like you heal, forgive, consider reconciliation and discover the lasting peace you desire. It’s achievable. Sometimes it just takes making up your mind that you are ready to move forward and reclaim control of you.
- W – Welcome Safety & Story
- H – Honor the Loss
- O – Own What’s Yours
- L – Live from Identity in Christ
- E – Establish Boundaries
- N – Nurture Wholeness
- E – Entrust the Outcomes
- S – Stay Anchored in Peace & Hope
- S – Strengthen Faith for the Future
Are you tired of replaying hurtful conversations? Wondering what's wrong with you? Walking on eggshells? Feeling resentful and bitter?
You may not be able to fix the relationship, but you can find peace with yourself and God – even amid estrangement. It’s achievable. I did it and I can help you.
How My Coaching Approach is Different Than What You May Have Tried
First, it is faith based and your discovery of who you are in Christ changes you. You aren’t who others proclaim you to be. Second, there is no forced reconciliation or expectations. Receiving His forgiveness and working through the process to forgive others is a fundamental key to your peace. This is your journey and everyone processes differently. The focus is not on others – but on you, your healing, your peace.
What Changes You Can Expect
Staying silent and burying the pain will only make things worse. You have a voice and the right to be heard. I’ll be that non-judgmental partner to listen and help you navigate and rediscover your worth and value in Christ.
Certifications and Training
- CTA Certified Life Coach – Coach Training Alliance
- Family Estrangement Training Level 1 via Dr. Becca Bland
What’s Next?
1. SUBSCRIBE TO ESTRANGEMENT PODCAST on Apple Podcasts or Spotify
Listen on your favorite platform and receive 10 to 20 minutes of valuable insights on topics like letting go, forgiveness, how to discover peace, what to do when you forgive and they don’t. New podcasts dropped frequently.
2. READ MY BLOG
You’ll find faith based devotions from my time with God where I share insights for personal growth to help you navigate estrangement.
4. EXPLORE IF COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU
Let’s have a conversation. It’s free, insightful and a safe place to explore if 1:1 coaching is right for you.
Life coaching is not therapy or crisis counseling. We’ll talk about what feels heavy to you today and where you feel stuck. As your coach I will help you see what you can’t and help you find solutions to bring you peace. I found that talking with close friends provided support, but they were too emotionally involved and hesitated to tell me what I needed to hear for fear of risking the friendship. Friends are not usually skilled to challenge where needed and help you move to your goal. I will offer insight and different perspectives for you to think about. I may ask hard questions and I’ll offer feedback, but you will decide what will work best for you.
Becky lives in the North Texas area. She and her husband, John, enjoy golf, travel and entertaining. Becky has 2 adult kids and 3 step-sons. Together they have 14 grandkids.
