In the height of my estrangement forgiveness was the last thing on my mind. When you’re reeling from emotional pain – that you caused or not – it’s hard to see clearly. Your mind is clouded with anger and bitterness.

The gift of forgiveness is something just for you. Think of it as a beautifully wrapped box with sparkly paper and a big bright bow. It beckons you to pick it up and think of what’s inside. What awaits is a gift that you couldn’t imagine. One that will bring the peace you so desire and deserve.

So why is it so hard to open? What is keeping you from ripping that bow off and tearing open the box? Would it surprise you to know it’s fear?

If you’re like me, you had these thoughts about forgiveness.

Now, I don’t know what estrangement you have in your life. For me it was abandonment and rejection. I’ve talked with women who dealt with sexual abuse. Others have said their adult child no longer wants a relationship and they aren’t even sure why.

What I know, because I’ve experienced it, is that estrangement hurts. The emotional pain is intense. Resentment, bitterness, and anger are often the fruit of an estranged relationship. Triggers pull you back into a pit that you’ll climb out of repeatedly. Unless you open the box and learn how to forgive.

The Gift of Forgiveness is Just For You!

That beautiful shiny gift sitting in front of you offers something you can’t get anywhere else. But like me, I’ll bet you try any and everything else before you finally consider forgiveness. And that’s often because you don’t fully understand what it is and what it isn’t.

Let’s look at what it’s not.

So then, what is forgiveness?

As I said before, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It’s releasing the person who hurt you from your anger, bitterness, and desire to punish.

You’ve heard the expression “what goes around comes around.”  Well, the person who hurt you may not experience what you did, but I guarantee you they aren’t getting away with whatever they did.

In my case, my biological father abandoned me and my mom when I was an infant. I struggled with how a father could just leave his child. How could he not love and protect me and care for me?

I struggled with other estrangements in my life that caused me to be bitter and angry. What I discovered was that those emotions did nothing to help the situation and in fact they caused more harm to me. By holding on to the bitterness and refusing to forgive, I was becoming a bitter person.

I finally unwrapped that gift and learned that if I would exchange it then my life would change. I put the bitterness and anger in that box and chose to forgive. My father didn’t suffer the same abandonment that I did, but he certainly lived with his decision, and he missed getting to know an amazing daughter.

Forgiveness is a Process

You may think of it as a “one and done”. But the reality is that forgiving someone is often done daily. Every time a trigger arises that causes you to get that bitter feeling, you simply open that box mentally, place it in there and forgive.

Eventually, it will be much easier, and the triggers will go away. But the peace you will feel is oh so sweet.

What are you waiting for? That shiny big box with a huge red bow is for you! Open it and exchange that bitterness and anger for the beauty of forgiveness and watch how your life will change.

TOPIC: Blog