If you want to know how to stop feeling like a failure as a mom, this podcast episode is for you. Estrangement creates many illusions and creates a breeding ground for wrecking your value as a person and as a mother.
This episode is all about how to stop feeling like a failure as a mom because in short – you aren’t. What you feel isn’t always a true assessment of reality.
Reeling from a child’s decision to walk away from a relationship with you causes you to feel like a failure. Let’s flip that narrative and sit together for a few minutes. It is my hope that you walk away feeling encouraged and equipped with renewed hope and confidence in who you are.
Reliving Motherhood
Remember when your child was an infant? The joy and excitement you felt as a new mother holding that bundle of joy in your arms. Praying for that sweet son or daughter as you relished in those quiet moments together.
Then the terrible twos, the first day of school and pre-teens. Still, you loved them through every phase of growing up and now somehow, they’ve chosen to walk away from the relationship.
How did this happen? What terrible thing could you have done to deserve this? Did you fail at motherhood? Sure, you made mistakes as we all do, but did it warrant rejection? Can you make this right?
We all ask these questions and sometimes when you don’t get answers it leaves you feeling like failure. Let me share with you how to stop feeling like a failure as a mom.
Truth Versus Lies
While you may feel like a failure, do you really believe that you failed as a mother? What would you say if someone walked up to you and said, “You’re a failure as a mother.” It would hurt, but wouldn’t you defend yourself?
Firstly, you would ask on whose authority they are making that accusation? Who are they that they would be able to so boldly state that you failed. And that would be a great first question.
Secondly, you might refute that argument with attributes of being a good mom. Lovingly feeding, nurturing and caring for your child. Rearing them in a biblical home. Praying consistently for them throughout their years.
That’s the spirit I hope you’ll adopt when those dreadful thoughts come into your mind.
How to Stop Feeling Like a Failure as a mom
Learn to discern the voice of God. How can you do that? By learning the character and attributes of God. And that comes through the word of God – the Bible. How does God speak?
Romans 8:1 state “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Any condemning thoughts planted in your mind are not from God.
As you read scripture, you see that Jesus words were affirming, loving, encouraging and full of wisdom and grace. He is merciful and kind.
Satan, on the other hand, is just the opposite and scripture says he comes to steal, kill and destroy.
Isn’t that what he’s doing in your mind when he subtly gets you to believe you’re a bad mom.
The first line of defense in learning how to stop feeling like a failure as a mom is to discern the voice that’s speaking to you.
What Authority Does the Speak Have
Once you learn that the voice is coming from Satan, you’ll also know that he has no authority, but that which God allows him to have. John 14:30 Jesus says, “the ruler of this world (Satan) has come, but he has no hold over me.”
And when you are in Christ, Satan has no authority over you either.
As you learn to discern the voice speaking to you, accepting or rejecting those words will become easier.
Satan loves to speak in half truths. Like me, you may have made decisions that hurt your children. Divorce, for example, is often where children suffer and sometimes silently. Mothers make mistakes. Your mother did, mine did and you will too.
When you confess your sin, God is faithful to forgive you. Because your child hasn’t forgiven you doesn’t mean God hasn’t. Don’t believe Satan’s half-truth that he will try to feed you. You sincerely confess. God forgives.
Focus on the Good Times
Estrangement for me lasted several years. I felt I was a terrible mother. And that guilt and shame weighed me down. Until I stopped believing the lies, challenged the authority of the accuser and began to believe the truth of God’s words.
If you want to know how to stop feeling like a failure as a mom, that’s your answer. Take your life back and your freedom and stop believing those lies about you.
Begin to focus on what you remember as good and happy memories with your child. You are a good mother; you’ve just forgotten how to remember. Even if your child tells you that you’re a bad mom, you can listen, apologize for any truth to what they say and gently remind them of the good and loving times you’ve experienced together.
And then, let them have their own memories because you can’t change them. Have they always been a model child? I say that tongue in cheek because we know that isn’t true of any child. Yet you loved them through their behavior issues and didn’t reject them.
Let them grow and mature in their own timing. You don’t have to hold them up or carry them through disrespect or hurtful accusations.
Finally, commit to praying for your son or daughter and ask God to help them see the truth about your relationship. Ask Him to help them forgive you and reconnect in a loving healthy manner.
When a Lapse in Motherhood Exists
I’m speaking to the mother who may not have reared their child in Church. One who made serious mistakes with their children. Addiction, affairs and other lapses may have been part of your life. God doesn’t withhold his forgiveness to you.
Scripture says that when you confess your sin, repent and turn to him, you are forgiven. Moreover, he places his holy spirit in you to guide and counsel you. Satan loves to plague mothers like this with lies that you’ll never be forgiven.
He tells you that you are a terrible mother, and everyone knows it. You deserve the estrangement. You’ll never be a good mother. All lies.
Have you read my story? If anyone had reason to believe those lies, it’s me. If you haven’t read it, it’s on my website at www.beckykolb.com/meet-becky
Guilt and shame paralyzed me and made me feel unworthy and unloved. I felt I deserved everything coming my way and others piled it on reinforcing that belief.
On my knees, confessing my sin, God forgave me and welcomed me home to my life as a new person. Made new in his image.
Don’t allow Satan to steal this from you. His grace and forgiveness await.
Reclaim your Rightful Place as mom
My sister in Christ, I am prayerful that you are encouraged by this message. That you will reclaim the identity you have in Christ and that you’ll reject the lies Satan plants in your head.
You are a good mom. The very angst you feel over this estrangement says so. Your prayers and longing to reconcile and willingness to do what it takes is evidence that you are a loving and caring mom.
Until next time, get into scripture and challenge the authority of the lies planted in your head. I’ve given you tips on how to stop feeling like a failure as a mom and I’m praying you’ll take them to heart and discover the peace that awaits.