Estrangement brings so many emotional feelings and one recurrent one is when God feels silent. Prayers are offered continuously and you feel as if they are disappearing into thin air.
Does God hear your prayers for your estranged loved one? Does He see your broken heart? Those are questions women ask when their heart is broken with the pain of an estranged son or daughter.
Dear sister in Christ, I had those same feelings and worse. I felt that decisions I made would sentence me for life and that God was punishing me with the estrangement. That was a lie that Satan wanted me to believe and it may be something you struggle with too.
Stay tuned for encouragement as I share biblical truth about God and his seeming silence.
When Prayers Seem Unanswered
Prayer is a privilege Christians have to communicate directly with God. As a mother, I’m betting that a generous portion of your prayers concern your children. Age isn’t a consideration, right? We pray for them as little ones and on into their adulthood.
Consider for a moment your prayer life. If I asked you to write down the specific prayers you’ve prayed for your estranged loved one, could you tell me? Precisely?
Are your prayers for reconciliation? Understanding what went wrong? Simply that your loved one will answer a text or a phone call.
Worthy are each of those prayers. So why does God seem silent? Why are they unanswered?
What to Do When God Feels Silent
God works in mysterious ways. A friend used to tell me, “He’s God and you’re not.” When you pray, it is helpful to spend some time considering to whom you are praying. Who is God to you? Can you name some of His characteristics?
For example, He is compassionate. Can you name times when he has shown compassion to you? How about forgiving? Merciful? Always present – scripture says He has given you His Holy Spirit to live in you.
A helpful exercise is to step back, get a pen, paper, and list some of the attributes of God. Use your Bible or concordance as you search for God’s character in scripture and note where he is present with those who are hurting. How He shows mercy and love. How He feeds the hungry people and heals the infirmed.
God inhabits the praises of His people is a scripture I often forget. Consequently, I often fail to spend time giving Him the praise He deserves.
Devote just 5 minutes telling God who He is to you. Your Savior, Provider, Sustainer. Has He been merciful to you? Thank him. Forgiving? Has He answered prayer previously? Thank Him. He is worthy of your praise, and your prayer life will change when you give Him the first fruits of your prayer life.
Satan Comes to Steal, Kill and Destroy
Your enemy and mine – Satan – hates prayer. He knows that God hears your prayers and one way that he can get to you emotionally is to make you believe He doesn’t. Satan will plant seeds of doubt in your mind.
Moreover, when doubt begins to creep in, you’ll be tempted to stop praying. Thinking it’s no use anyway because it feels God is silent. Why bother? Have you had those thoughts? I have.
When you consider your enemy wants to steal your joy, kill any relationship you have with God and destroy that relationship and others, it is a wake-up call to stand firm against that enemy.
How to Stand Firm When God Feels Silent
Ephesians is a wonderful place to start. Read Ephesians 6:14-17. Biblical instruction is given telling you exactly what to do when God feels silent.
- Get back to basics – spend the first few minutes praising and thanking God for things He has done for you. Praise Him for His character.
- Read Ephesians 6 and put into practice at least one of the defining actions. Stand firm by anchoring your soul to the truth of God’s word. Are you doubting God? Find scriptures that show you the truth.
- Stay in the word. There is nothing like the truth of God’s word during dry times in faith to dispel the rumors Satan plants in your mind.
- Talk with a Christian sister or a pastor and enlist the prayers of others to lift you up.
- Finally, be specific in your prayers and expectant. God does hear and He will answer.
The answer may be yes, no, or not yet. Don’t give up. Are you praying for reconciliation? Try starting with smaller steps. For example, pray for God to help you see your estranged loved one from His perspective. Ask Him to give you His eyes to see. A change in perspective is often the breakthrough you need at the moment.
Keep a journal of the specific prayers and review from time to time. This exercise will encourage your heart as you see answered prayer.
It Seems God is Silent – Is there a Reason
God may use silence for your good. That sounds harsh I know, but the times God has used in my life to grow me spiritually were in periods of silence. Times where I had to search the scriptures for truth. Consequently, I began to recognize issues in my own life where God wanted me to change a habit or perspective.
Giving up would have been a deterrent to my spiritual growth. I’m not saying that’s what is going on with you but consider what God may be saying to you in His silence. Is He asking you to change your prayer focus? Dealing with an issue that you may have been putting off? Change your perspective?
Take the time to sit in prayer and ask God why it feels He is silent. And then listen. He will impress upon your heart what He wants you to know. Verify what you hear with scripture as He will never instruct you in any way except truth.
God knows your heart. He knows your estrangement is painful. And He feels your pain. Remember He lived on this earth and experienced rejection many times over.
Keep Praying When God Feels Silent
Don’t give in to the temptation to stop praying. Or believing that He doesn’t hear you or care. As a Christian woman, His spirit lives in you. God does the work in someone’s heart. All He asks of you is to pray. And believe that He hears and will answer in His time and in His way.
Possibly, He has answered a prayer, but it wasn’t what you wanted to hear, and you took it as silence. Release the outcome. Pray and leave it in God’s hands.
Ways to Pray for an Estranged Loved One
Certainly, it’s good to pray for reconciliation with your estranged loved one. There are concrete ways you can pray until that happens. Here are some examples.
- Pray for their well-being. Physical and emotional health.
- Pray for them to turn to Jesus and lean on Him during his or her challenges.
- Pray for understanding and a soft heart if and when you reach out in any way.
- Praying for their spouse and family as adult kids who are often influenced in estrangement by a spouse. Don’t disparage them to your kid and remember to pray for their well-being too.
- Pray for a heart that forgives. Your heart and theirs. Forgiveness is the key that unlocks a bitter heart. Ask God to help you forgive but remember to ask Him to help them forgive you.
- Pray for God’s timing in future conversations and that His spirit will be present in any talks.
These are just a few ways that you can pray for an estranged loved one – especially when God feels silent. He will hear the prayers of an earnest heart and He will answer. Expect Him to answer but leave the outcome to Him and not what you necessarily desire.
And lovingly I share this with you. If you discover you are unwilling or unable to pray for your estranged loved one, you are struggling with forgiveness. I fought that for a long time. Here’s a podcast you might find helpful. www.beckykolb.com/44
Until next time, this is near and dear to my heart as I continue to have estrangement with daughters-in-law. Prayer is the cry of my heart to reach them in a God honoring way and to keep my heart soft and open. I pray it will be for you too.