Last week the topic was the joy of forgiveness, and I hope you found some nuggets of truth to help you in your estranged relationship. Because forgiveness is so powerful, I have a short follow up on that subject and it’s called balancing the scales.
Remember those old-fashioned scales? The kind that had two trays on either side of the stand. They were used to ensure fair trade and accurate measurements for medical compounding and baking.
Lean in today with me as we apply this balancing to your estrangement from a loved one.
Forgiveness is a Powerful Tool
What if I told you that you have a powerful resource in your toolbox? A tool that is the starting place for healing your broken heart. That tool has the power to usher in peace and prepares you for the possibility of reconciliation.
Forgiveness is the resource you have at your disposal and if you’re like me, you’ve picked up and set it back down so many times. You’ve tried but those hurtful memories come back to haunt you. As you lie in bed trying to sleep, those painful words or lack thereof bring tears of sadness.
I’ve said it before and it bears repeating. Forgiveness is not one and done. It’s a process. It begins with an intentional decision that you are going to forgive.
Balancing the Scales of Forgiveness
Let’s go back to that old-fashioned scale. I encourage you to listen now and later sit with this exercise and I promise it will help you process the disappointment and resentment that will lead to forgiveness.
One on side of the scale, I want you to place all the hurtful words and actions that your estranged loved one has done to hurt you. Name them individually. I recently did this with an in-law relationship and admittedly it took me some time to list them all.
False accusations, gossip, betrayal of trust and more. One by one I named them as I laid them on the scale. And the result? The scale was so far out of balance I thought the chains might break. I wanted to say, “See God, how broken my heart is.” It’s no wonder I lack peace.
Balancing the Other Side
Because God hears our heart, He knew what I thought. And His response was to balance the other side. How would I do that? How will you do it?
The answer isn’t one you’re going to want to hear. But it’s this part of the equation – the balancing of the scales – that is necessary to bring true forgiveness and peace.
He is asking you to now pile on all the things you’ve done to hurt Him. These are things He’s forgiven you of, but since you piled on the other side, He is asking you to remember and release all of those things on the opposite side.
Wowzer – I thought it took a long time to place all the hurtful things my estranged loved one did. This one took even more time. And the reality is that there wasn’t enough room for me to place all of them on the scale. Consequently, that side also fell and was now even with the opposite scale.
The lesson? If God forgave me for everything on that side of the scale plus more, couldn’t I forgive my loved one for the hurtful things they had said and done?
Practical Application for Balancing the Scales
Return to the scale where you piled on the hurtful things your estranged loved one did to you. List them again. It’s best if you do this on paper. Get it all out. Whatever was said, left unsaid, done or not done, write it down.
When you are done writing, go back line by line and ask God to help you forgive them for each one. Powerful is this exercise, when you take the time to actually list all the things that your body and mind hold. These are heavy and hurtful to your mental and physical health.
Release them to God as you forgive each item you’ve listed and don’t forget to thank Him for the things in your life that He’s already forgiven.
And then feel the lightness of your body, mind, and soul as you experience the power of balancing the scales when you forgive.
Are you ready to let go of the heavy weight of unforgiveness that you carry?
Will you commit to doing this exercise knowing you may have to repeat it a few times?
Remember forgiveness is a process and it may take a little time.
If you will make this balancing of the scales a habit in your life and quiet time with God, He will gradually begin to change your perspective and your thoughts. You will see the relationship differently. Moreover, God will use this powerful tool of forgiveness to prepare your heart for the possibility of reconciliation.
Until next time, my prayers are with my listeners, and I’ll be praying for the balancing of scales in your life and with your estranged loved one. And I would love to know if this helped you. Drop me a line at becky@nullbeckykolb.com and let me know. And don’t forget to share this podcast with others who may need resources in their own estrangement.