Change your thoughts and your life will change. How it changes depends on how you think. Now, this is not the power of positive thinking message. But there is truth to how our thoughts affect our life – either positively or negatively.
Admittedly, I am a skeptic when people start talking about an attitude of gratitude. Those Pollyanna women who are always in a good mood, see the best in others and refuse to get in the dirt when they are down. In fact, with these women, you almost never know that they are struggling.
Estranged relationships create a breeding ground for negative thinking as we’ve discussed before. I’ll share with you today how if you want to change your life, then you’ll need to change your thoughts. Let’s roll.
Change Your Thoughts is Biblical
Scriptures contain passages that speak to our thoughts. Google it and you’ll find many to read and ponder. The one I’ll reference in today’s message is from Romans 12. And it says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by allowing God to change your thoughts.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes in my morning devotionals, I’ll read a passage like that and think about it for a minute. Sometimes, I am prompted to pray and ask God to change my thinking that day to reflect His character. And then I move on with my day.
Consequently, I miss a deeper message had I lingered a bit longer and allowed God to reveal Himself to me. That was true when I read this scripture recently.
A lesson in Conforming
Do not conform to the pattern of this world. Well, what does that mean? The world is used to describe a worldview – a system – that is not biblical based.
- Be happy and do what seems right to you.
- You only have one life – live it the way you choose.
- The Bible was written in ancient history and has no relevance for today.
- Go after that job and it doesn’t matter if you have to step on people to get it.
- And in estrangement – it’s okay to gossip and judge after all they have done to me.
Those are some examples of what the scripture is referencing on worldliness. Do not conform. Think of a teenager desperately trying to fit in. They will adapt their behavior even if they don’t believe what they say or do.
We do the same thing. You’ve heard the phrase keeping up with Jones’s. Even if we can’t afford a particular trip or car, we do all we can to make it happen because we want to conform.
We are in the midst of girlfriend time when the subject turns to gossip, and you know that God speaks against that. However, you don’t want to appear prudish, and so you don’t speak up at all. Silence can be a form of conforming.
Appearance is important to us, but authenticity is important to God.
Now you may be wondering what all this has to do with estrangement. Estrangement creates an image that is negative in our mind. What do others think of you? Are you a terrible person? What have you done to deserve this pain?
If you’ll allow Him, God will help you change your thoughts and transform you into His image – even amid your estranged relationship.
Transformation – Change Your Thoughts
The second part of that scripture I mentioned says to be transformed by allowing God to change your thoughts. Transformation can mean different things. Change in appearance is transformation when one loses weight. A building is transformed when it is renovated and brought up to date.
God is talking about transforming our thoughts. Taking us from a worldview where we seek revenge, gossip, throw pity parties and live in guilt & shame.
Those thoughts are prevalent when you are amid an estranged relationship with a loved one. God wants to transform you by changing your thoughts. I would love to tell you it’s a straightforward process, but that wouldn’t be truthful.
A Story of Transformation
Growing up, my mom made sure we attend church every Sunday. My sisters and I were in youth groups and consequently, when I married and had kids, my habit was established. Although I believed in God and knew Jesus’ gospel story of dying for my sins, I didn’t know him in a personal relationship.
Prayer was part of my life and I thought He listened. But I didn’t sit with him and listen for His voice. Bible Study Fellowship was part of my young married life. Attending all five years and even becoming a discussion leader was a ministry of sorts for me.
As far as I was concerned, I was saved and because I believed in what Jesus had done for me on the cross, that was a true assumption. But wasn’t there more? Life really didn’t seem to change.
Until my divorce, remarriage and giving up an adopted daughter that turned my world upside down in one chaotic mess. You can read my full story at beckykolb.com/meet-becky. There is a link to the free download.
Everything I knew about the Bible, Jesus and the Christian life was tossed into the air. It’s where the rubber met the road. And it’s where God transformed me from the life of knowing about Christ to knowing Him as my personal Savior. The one who pursued a relationship with me.
Reconnecting with an Adopted Daughter
God has blessed me with a second chance with this daughter as we reconnected a few years ago. A phone conversation that lasted over an hour was one I’ll never forget. She wanted to know if she could trust that I had changed. I told her that one cannot go through what I did and remain unchanged.
Either you slide further away or you are transformed and thankfully God had begun the transformation in my heart. She is a delightful, bright, and beautiful young lady and married to a man who adores her as she deserves.
God blessed my heart immensely when he reconnected our lives and we enjoy times together throughout the year. With the Texas move, we are much closer and able to connect more often. She has another adoptive mother, and I readily accept that and am grateful that another loved and cared for her when I couldn’t.
God doesn’t waste our sinful and rebellious pasts. He uses them if we allow Him to transform us into His child. One that stays in communion with him reading His word, praying, and listening as His spirit leads us.
My Christian walk went from attending Church and classes, volunteering and short prayers hoping He heard them to a relationship where I know He is with me. He guides me and shows me that He is near as evidenced numerous ways.
- A scripture that comes to mind immediately when I am praying.
- A sermon that speaks directly to what I’m facing and yet no one knew.
- A thoughtful card or text message that gives confirmation.
- A deep peace within my soul.
It’s a transformation that was visible to others and is confirmed to me daily as I spend time with Him.
Change Your Thoughts in Estrangement
As a Christian, your goal is to live more like Him. And you and I can’t do that without the help of His Holy Spirit. If you want to change your life, then you must change your thoughts.
Practically speaking, you take note of your thoughts. Often, we aren’t even aware of what our random thoughts are. Scripture talks about bringing your thoughts captive to Christ. That requires thinking about the things you think about. That’s a mouthful, right?
Pay attention to your thoughts in the estranged relationship.
- Do those thoughts condemn you or make you feel guilty or shameful?
- Are you throwing pity parties and have a “woe is me” attitude?
- How are your negative thoughts affecting other relationships?
- Do you refuse to forgive because it’s just too hard?
- What are your thoughts toward the estranged person? Anger or resentment.
- Do you gossip about the person or dwell on things said or done?
- Do you react and respond to false accusations and rejection with a get even approach?
My friend, that is conforming to the world – even if you aren’t consciencely going there. I was stuck in this worldly cycle in my estrangement. While I asked God to change my thoughts, it was words. My heart wasn’t aligned.
What Happens When You Change Your Thoughts?
I would love to tell you that the transformation brought an instant end to estranged relationships, but it was only the beginning. Reconciliation, if it is to occur, will begin in your heart. Change your thoughts and change your life. When I prayed for God to change the heart of my estranged loved one, he said he wanted to change mine first.
Do you need to align your heart with God’s? Have you surrendered your life to Him? Accepted Him as your Lord through his death on the cross and resurrection? Are you like I was, where you have committed with head knowledge but not your heart?
The first change in your heart is to make sure that you have surrendered your life to Jesus – the One who saved you, will never reject or forsake you and the one who gave His life for you. Whether this is an initial surrender or a recommitment, He will meet you where you are. The gospel account of John is a terrific book to read.
Moreover, reading the Bible daily once you commit or recommit is essential to change your thoughts. Choose a book of the Bible to read or select a plan on the Bible App called You Version. That app provides topical as well as through the Bible devotionals.
Staying in His word daily even if it’s just a few minutes, will make it easier to keep your heart aligned and in tune with His spirit. Your goal is to grow in your faith and become more like Him in your thoughts and actions. And remain steadfast and content with where you are amid the estranged relationship.
Contentment
I heard an incredible sermon by Dr. Philip DeCourcy on the subject of contentment. How does that interact with Mother’s Day and estrangement? Can you really be content if you’re estranged from a child?
He answers that affirmatively. You can listen to that sermon in its entirety at https://www.stonebriar.org/message/ready-for-anything/
And I promise, it’s worth your time.
Too often, we say “I’ll be happy when (and then fill in the blank).”
- When my relationships heal.
- When my health improves.
- When my job is more fulfilling.
- When I have purpose and feel valued.
Dr. DeCourcy says that from Philippians 4 we can be happy now. Before any of those things occur. Why?
Because of Christ in you and me. We’re not trained to think like that in today’s society.
I can be happy now because of Christ in me. Not me in a different set of circumstances. You and I don’t need relationships healed or freedom from health or financial issues to be happy. We can be happy and content now because of Christ. I encourage you to listen to that sermon. It made my heart happy!
Living a Transformed Life
Please refuse to allow yourself the false promise that transformation will be instant. Think of the caterpillar and butterfly metamorphous. It takes four to five weeks from start to finish. Our transformation is a lifelong process. Beginning when we accept Christ as our Lord and ending at our death when we are at our eternal home with Him.
Estrangement is a breeding ground for all types of negative emotions. You’ll question your faith and identity and vacillate between a steady calm and anger. But it doesn’t have to be like that.
Are you ready to change your thoughts and change your life? Do you want calm and peace in your heart
You may be in the cocoon where it’s dark and lonely or you may be in the transformation process where growth and real change occur. Resolve to surrender to the One who can transform your thoughts and set you on higher ground.
Recap
I’m glad you are listening today and hope that you’ve found some encouragement. This episode is really all about you. Change your thoughts and change your life.
Jesus loves you more than anyone else could. He created you with a unique personality and gifted you with skills and passions to live a transformed life, discover lasting peace and to find contentment in whatever situation you are in. I discovered that when I recommitted my life and I hope that you will too.
Do you need someone to chat with briefly? To help you know if you’ve surrendered your life to the Lord. Are you searching for confirmation? Please email me at becky@nullbeckykolb.com and I would love to have that conversation.
Are you waiting to be happy when you are in a different set of circumstances? Let’s have a conversation about taking the steps to be happy now knowing Christ is in you and that you can do all things through Him who gives you strength. Reach out at www.beckykolb.com/contact.
I will be doing a series of podcasts on how to change your thoughts to align with God’s. If you haven’t subscribed already, please do so on your favorite platform so you don’t miss something.
Until next time, begin to recognize faulty thinking and then resolve to change your thoughts and you’ll see a change in your life. My next podcast will be short and filled with some concrete ways to change your thoughts. I hope you’ll tune in and share this with others who may want to listen too.