Living well in the unfinished years is a topic to help you navigate how to live amid estrangement. Because let’s face it, when you are estranged from a loved one, living well isn’t something you do naturally. That was certainly the case with me.

Other podcasts focus on how to fix the relationship. My focus is helping you live from a position of wholeness whether or not the relationship reconciles. Consequently, it’s about building a meaningful life while estrangement exists.

Reclaiming joy, discovering passion and purpose and shedding guilt and shame that weigh you down.

Ready to jump in? Let’s roll today’s episode.

Living Well

What does that even mean? To live well. For some, it’s physical or emotional well-being. And for others it may include financial freedom and the ability to have the time and money to do what you love. Living well in the unfinished years goes beyond that scope.

For today’s message, it encompasses balance, wholeness, purpose, emotional fulfillment and living in alignment with your values and worldview. Women with an estranged son, daughter or other close loved one often find it difficult to find any of these attributes because they are so focused on the loss.

My encouragement for you today is that you can live well even amid estrangement, finding purpose and passion and building a meaningful life apart from the one who walked away.

Let’s break this down starting with balance.

Balance is a Key to Living Well in the Unfinished Years

Balance is difficult for many women – even those without an estranged relationship. Juggling family, career, church, volunteer, extended family, and physical health is a challenge. Enter in the worries and loss that exist with estrangement and you’ll soon find your life out of kilter.

When that occurs, health often begins to deteriorate. Stress is a leading cause of illness today – both physically and mentally. Estrangement causes women to obsess over the relational loss as you wonder what you could have done to prevent it.

Family vacations, reunions, birthdays, and anniversaries all come around as you navigate the estrangement with these important dates. Rather than living well, you feel as though you are barely getting by and could at any minute find yourself in a sea of tears.

How do you regain balance in a situation like this?

Prayer – Shift your Focus

I read something revolutionary recently. When you are estranged from a loved one, certainly you pray often. If you’re like me, you pray for the relationship to reconcile. Asking God for that specific request is a great place to start. But too often we stay there. We focus on the mountain (the problem) and not the one who has the power to change it.

In other words, we obsess over the estrangement – what went wrong – who is to blame – what could we have done differently.

When you shift your focus to the one who has the power to effect change, you begin to praise God for who he is. He alone is God. The same power that raised Jesus from the dead and seated him at the right hand of God lives in you as a believer.

He promises to never leave or forsake you. His strength and wisdom and power are yours. Psalm 91 speaks of his amazing protection over you. Psalm 139 speaks of his great wonder in creating you. Believe me, when I say that when your prayer life begins to focus on him and not your mountain, it’s life changing.

Shift your Thoughts

Rather than focusing on all of the stressors, stop and observe what it’s doing to your mind and body. Headaches, tight shoulders, clenched jaw, mistakes at work, snapping at family and other unwanted behavior result from the stress you are carrying.

It’s time to shift your thoughts and regain balance for your health. You’re no good to anyone if you aren’t well, so let’s talk about how to stop making yourself stressed and find the balance you need.

Try some of these tips and learn to get your life back into balance. You’ll be happier and so will those around you.

Emotional Fulfillment

What do you really enjoy? Certainly, there are responsibilities we must do daily and we won’t enjoy all of them. I really do not like to iron. And although fabrics today do not require ironing as in years before, I also prefer a non-wrinkled, polished look.

Guess what? Dry cleaners iron. My clothes looked fresh and pressed, and I didn’t have to do the work.

Take some time to really figure out what brings you emotional fulfillment. If it’s reading, what can you give up so that you can do more of it? Is it coffee with a girlfriend? Schedule a consistent time and stick to it. You’ll find when you take time to do the things that bring you emotional fulfillment, you’ll find yourself living well in the unfinished years.

Your psyche tells you otherwise, but you can live a fulfilled life even amid an estranged relationship. Even when your heart is breaking. Shifting your prayer focus, thoughts and seeking emotional fulfillment will change the trajectory of your life. Planning and commitment are the components to make it happen.

Finding Passion and Purpose

Women find passion and purpose in their families. I spoke with a friend recently who shared a family trip she and her husband took with their adult children and grandkids. She spoke of love, laughter and memories made to last a lifetime.

When you are in an estranged relationship with adult children, that sounds more like a fairy tale, doesn’t it? You may tend to dwell on the fact that you do not have that kind of experience in your family and that’s okay. A substantial number of women do not have that kind of relationship with their families, yet you and I tend to focus on what we don’t have.

I’m going to ask a question, and I want you to pause this podcast afterward so that you can think about this for a couple of minutes. Ready? Here’s the question. What do you really love to do? It may or may not be work related. And the second part of that is what things do people tell you that you excel?

Now pause this podcast and give that some thought. Write down what comes to mind. Don’t be timid or think you are bragging. Be honest.

If you’re like me, it may take some time to think about that, but I’ll bet you could list a few things. I’m good at organizing and planning. People tell me that I’m good at listening, being empathetic, leading others and following through.

Now, with what you enjoy coupled with what others tell you, what could you do to find your passion? Think volunteering at Church or in your community. In addition to helping women in estranged relationships find healing and wholeness, I enjoy volunteering in my church.

Whether it’s prayer ministry, divorce recovery or just finding ways to encourage women, I’m using the gifts God has given me. When you find your passion, you’ll find meaning and purpose and that will result in living well in the unfinished years.

Live According to Your Core Values

Your core values and worldview are uniquely yours. Could you tell someone now what yours are? Have you considered writing them down? Some of my core values are:

Those are a few of mine. While I am human and make more than a fair amount of mistakes, it is my belief system and how I try to live. The point is that you need your own set of core values and then live consistently by those.

You don’t need to make apologies for your beliefs, nor do you need to attempt to hide them. They are yours. Never allow someone to make you feel badly for what you believe. And refuse to compromise on them. Be gracious but live your core values.

Wholeness

Living well in the unfinished years will result in wholeness when you take responsibility for your life amid estrangement. No one wants to be in that situation and yet we’re told that over 70 million people today are estranged.

People in today’s culture are encouraged to walk away from a loved one rather than try to fix what’s broken. Politics, religion along with culture are culprits that lead to estrangement. Heartbreak is the result, but you don’t have to live in it.

First seek to restore balance to your life by shifting your prayer focus and thoughts. Find emotional fulfillment, discover passion & purpose, and live according to your core values. This will eventually lead to wholeness. You can find joy and build a meaningful life apart from your loved one who chose to walk away.

It requires a little work, but aren’t you worth it? Isn’t your mental and physical heal worth it? You deserve to be healthy so consider investing in yourself to achieve these results.

Until next time, if you haven’t already:

Spend a little more time figuring out what you enjoy,

Discover your passion and pay attention to how others compliment you on things you do.

Find your passion and you’ll find your purpose. And then you’ll be on your way to living well in the unfinished years. Drop me a line and let me know how you’re doing. I love hearing from my listeners. Reach out at beckykolb.com/contact

TOPIC: Podcast