Joy and forgiveness don’t belong in the same sentence. Or do they? Estrangement brings such a host of emotions. Sadness, anger, resentment, disappointment and many more. How is joy even possible when your heart is so heavy?
Today I’ll share with you the joy of forgiveness and how it can set your heart free – even amid estrangement. You don’t have to reconcile or receive an apology to forgive and have joy.
Joy is an acronym for something that I’ll share next. Stay with me and let’s explore this together.
Joy of Forgiveness
Joy is an acronym we’ll discuss today, and it stands for Jesus, others, and you.
Scripture is clear that we are to forgive others as we have been forgiven. I’ve talked about that in other podcasts. Once you sit with your own sin and realize God’s compassion and mercy with you, it’s understandable that Jesus would want you to do the same with others who hurt you.
Okay, but joy? How is that possible? We’ll start with the first letter that represents Jesus
J is for Jesus
My estrangement experience came in two waves. The first during my divorce and all that surrounded that decision. As a Christian woman, I fell hard into sin. If you’ve read my story, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, I encourage you to download it free of charge at www.beckykolb.com/meet-becky There’s a link there for you.
Guilt and shame are the clothes I wore daily. They became heavy, stained, and soiled. I felt like a walking billboard that said, “I am the bad person everyone is talking about.” And I had only myself to blame for that.
The second wave came with extended in-law family that walked away and refused to tell me why. I heard false accusations and gossip, but there was never a willingness to sit down and discuss the issues they felt. That estrangement created anger and resentment.
In both cases, the emotions were not healthy. Guilt, shame, anger, resentment, bitterness, disappointment. Those are the clothes I wore. And they became heavy and carried a stench.
Enter Jesus. He met me in both cases just where I sat. The encounter with Him is what led me to acknowledge my sin, remember His sacrifice for me was not just past sin but present and future. I didn’t have to carry around that shame and guilt any longer. I simply had to refocus on Jesus – who He is. And surrender again.
It starts with Jesus. He is the reason for the joy in forgiveness. Without him there can be no true joy. And without his forgiveness for your sin, there can be no true and lasting forgiveness for others. Consider a study on Jesus. Read the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and ask Him to help you redirect your life to His way of thinking and living.
O is for Others
As you consider your estranged loved one, do you feel it necessary to give or receive an apology before forgiveness can be given? That’s a common misconception. Some women will never receive an apology for hurt someone else has caused.
Jesus didn’t want for you to apologize to Him for your sin before He forgave you. The gift was there simply waiting for you to receive it.
Forgiveness can be given with no apology or changed behavior. Moreover, it doesn’t mean access has been granted or a relationship is restored. Forgiveness is for you and is an act of obedience to God. He has forgiven you so you must forgive others He says.
Regardless of the outcome of the relationship, you simply make the decision to forgive. Essentially, removing your right to exact revenge or retaliating in some way for the hurtful actions of your loved one.
Forgiveness is a process and you will need to make the decision repeatedly until you begin to feel it. Don’t let that deter you. You’re leaving the judgment to God who is a just and capable judge who will rightly administer judgment in His way and timing.
Create some boundaries around forgiveness. For example,
- Refusal to attend your own pity party when the emotions come.
- Do not step back into the arena to fight it out if hurtful words or actions continue.
- Determine if and when you will grant access to you. It may be necessary to allow the distance until some changes in behavior occur.
- Resolve to be kind regardless. If you must be together, keep it light and refuse to participate in unkind behavior.
Y is for You
The joy of forgiveness is achievable with Jesus, others and finally you. Jesus has forgiven you for all sinful words and actions and even those things that you don’t remember. All sin has been forgiven, and He says you are now clothed in His righteousness.
What that means for you is He wants you to stop self-condemnation. Cease beating yourself up for past words and actions that you wish you could take back. You can’t. But He can. He did. On the cross.
Your job is to agree with Him. A prayer for you can be as follows:
Thank you Jesus for taking my sin and nailing it to the cross. I didn’t deserve your mercy, compassion, and forgiveness but you gave it anyway. And now, I thank you and agree that my sin is covered. And now, I’m free to forgive my loved one who has hurt me.
Forgiveness brings joy when I accept your forgiveness and offer it to others. And that’s what I do now. I choose to forgive (insert their name). I surrender my anger, disappointment, and resentment to allow you to judge in this situation.
Help me to let go as I choose this day to forgive them as you have forgiven me.
Forgiveness Brings Joy
Once you have redirected your life back to the J.O.Y of forgiveness, you’ll experience freedom in your spirit. You will walk lighter, smile more, and feel an immense weight lifted from your shoulders.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things you will do and yet it is the one thing that will bring the peace you seek and allow you to see the relationship more clearly. God is with you, my friend. He hasn’t left you nor will He. That’s a promise directly from Jesus.
He knows how hard it is. And He is waiting. Will you get before Him and allow Him to bring the joy of forgiveness into your spirit today?
Until next time, I’m praying for you as you struggle with forgiveness and finding your joy. You can do it and your heart will experience the most amazing freedom you can imagine.