Letting go of grudges is rarely easy and certainly nothing happens quickly for most people. Estranged relationships create a hotbed for growing grudges, and you nourish them when you replay and rehearse responses.

Coaching women who have been hurt by a loved one who has chosen to walk away will frequently begin with something like “how could they?” Or I’ll never be able to forgive them for what they’ve done.”

And those words are the foundation for building resentment and deep-seated grudges that bring harm to your soul. Furthermore, you’ll never heal when you are holding a grudge.

Today’s episode will provide some tips for letting go of the resentment so that your heart can begin to heal Let’s settle in for a short message today on getting rid of grudges.

What is a Grudge

I don’t know about you, but the word itself sounds bad. Defined, it is a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from past insult or injury. Do you feel ill will toward someone? Most of us would say no. We don’t wish any illness on anyone physical or emotional.

But, how about resentment? That’s a different story! You might say, of course I resent a son or daughter for walking away from our relationship. Women are resentful because their child or his or her family has withheld grandkids from them.

Believe me, I understand. As one who has experienced estrangement from family who has turned grandkids against me, it hurts. Still, I wish no ill will toward them, but I sure have harbored anger and resentment.

And guess who that hurts? Not them! Bitterness, resentment and holding grudges hurts you and me.

Forgiveness Releases the Grudge

What exactly is forgiveness? Is it pretending the hurt didn’t occur? Or forgetting the hurt altogether? Could it be excusing what they said or did because of something in their past? My friend, it’s none of those. As a Christian woman, we know that God tells us to forgive. Let’s look at what it means generally.

Acceptance of what occurred is a first step. Not accepting that it was okay but accepting that it happened. Secondly, it is intentionally letting go of resentment and bitterness. You can’t pretend it never occurred because it did. Furthermore, you can’t wish it away or make excuses for someone’s behavior.

However, you can accept that they did the deed and you can make a conscience decision to let it go. It’s the key to freeing your heart so that you can work on you and be in the business of letting go of grudges.

Why Letting Go of Grudges is Important

Forgiveness sets your heart free and letting go of grudges certainly has some impactful benefits to your emotional health. Here are a few to consider.

Who wouldn’t choose those things and yet it’s so easy to hold on to grudges. It feels unwise to let someone off the hook so easily. Oh, but you aren’t letting them off the hook at all.

Who is the Unhealthy One?

Holding on to Grudges Destroys

Typically, the one who chose to end the relationship holds a grudge against you for something you said or did. At least in their mind, they perceived you to be the problem and felt the need to walk away. Unless it is an abusive issue causing harm, it is accepted that two mature adults can converse and resolve differences.

Your loved one holds a grudge against you for something. And you may or may not know what it is. You become angry, resentful, and bitter and soon you hold a grudge against them.

Can you see the walls being constructed here? Soon, the walls become so big and thick that penetrating even slightly becomes impossible. Until forgiveness causes the walls to begin to crumble. It takes a lot of courage in letting go of grudges.

Health, freedom, and peace are what you’ll get in exchange.

Forgiveness Can Be Hard

While forgiveness can be hard as you hold on to the emotional pain that someone has caused, the benefits to you are worth the effort. When you consider the emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits, you’ll find it easier to begin the process.

First, consider when you’ve been in the wrong before and ask someone for forgiveness. How did it feel? Good? Freeing? That’s what happens when you take responsibility for a mistake against someone else.

As a Christian, it certainly helps to think about the sins in your life and reflect on God’s forgiveness toward you. You didn’t deserve it, but he freely gave it. He showed mercy, compassion, and kindness.

Second, your health and peace are a priority, and you have control over letting go of grudges to improve both. Give thought to what happens if you continue this pattern of resentment and grudge holding. What negative effect does that have for you and other relationships?

Third, remember that forgiveness is a process and not a one-and-done. The bitter and resentful feelings will come back. You simply respond to them with the statement that you’ve already forgiven and so the thoughts are unwanted and can go away. Practice letting go of grudges by letting go of those thoughts.

Are You the One Who Needs Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a two-way street. If you know something that you’ve said or done, you may be the one that needs to ask forgiveness. That can be especially hard when you’ve also been wronged, and you don’t want to be the first to step up.

Pride is a deterrent to letting go of grudges. Don’t let it be a barrier for you. If you’ve wronged someone, admit it and ask their forgiveness. Even if they haven’t admitted the hurt, they caused you. You’re only in control of your thoughts and actions.

Once you’ve asked forgiveness, it doesn’t matter if they forgive you or not. You’ve asked and if it was sincere that’s all that is necessary. Let them deal with their own resentment and grudge. That’s on them.

Letting Go of Grudges Brings Change

You’ll find that once you let go of the grudge, resentment, bitterness, and anger melts away. Intentional focus on letting go will usher in a new peace. Fill your heart with the love and friendship of those relationships that remain.

Find new hobbies or things to do now that your energy has been restored. Be present in the moment as you notice people more and find new ways to engage with those you care about. Refuse to allow your mind to wallow in the self-pity that once stole your peace and happiness.

Finally, commit to be respectful even to the estranged one who hasn’t asked forgiveness. They are dealing with their own grudge and haven’t been able to forgive or let go. That’s not your problem. Allow them to deal with it in their own way.

Letting go of grudges can be hard, but oh so rewarding if you’ll allow yourself the chance.

Christian Coaching

Coaching may be a benefit if you find yourself stuck and unable to move forward. You know you want to, but it seems impossible. Trying everyday only to find yourself rehearsing the next conversation or replaying the hurt is exhausting.

If you feel this is something you wish to explore, simply go to www.beckykolb.com/work-with-becky and see if this is worth considering. I help women in estrangement find the peace they seek. Peace amid estrangement is possible even if reconciliation never occurs.

And as always, I disclose that I am a certified Life Coach and not a licensed therapist. If your situation is dire, contact a Licensed Counselor or call 911 in an emergency. Until next time, have a blessed day.

TOPIC: Podcast