Transformation is a beautiful word. Changing something so that its appearance is completely different and noticeable. You may wonder what this has to be with estranged relationships but stay with me. It’s a foundational principle you won’t want to miss.

We’ve recently relocated and the gardening beds were unsightly. Grass had grown up into the river rock; shoots were sprouting where they weren’t supposed to and it was evident that neglect had taken its toll.

The gardener explained the process required to restore and transform the beds into a beautiful garden that we would enjoy. Painstaking was the word I used to describe this to my husband. But it made sense and it paralyses into the work that you and I grapple with to prepare our hearts for eventual reconciliation and restoration.

Ready to do some gardening today? Listen in as I offer pivotal tips on loosening the soil in your heart.

My Garden is in Disarray

Now, I did not inherit my mother’s amazing gene for gardening. As a master gardener she knows just what to do in order to transform an unsightly one into something so beautiful. Me, I call the gardener and let him do his magic.

As he explained, the river rock would have to be hand picked out of the beds. Then the grass that had grown up through the rock would have to be removed. I thought a simple spraying of round up would take care of it. Roots in this soil were up to one foot deep and spraying or attempting to pull them up by hand would not be a permanent fix.

Next, the addition of nutrient soil would be added and tilled in with the old soil to prepare a rich bed ready for planting. Then, a protective landscaper paper would be laid on top to prevent any future weeds from emerging.

Ready for planting or replacing river rock was the ultimate step. It sounded like a good plan, but the period was not as I had hoped. I’m a “do it now” person as my husband likes to say. Instant results. But neglect and weather played a part in the timeliness and patience would be required.

How Transformation of a Garden Parlays into Relationships

As I usually do each morning, I grabbed my coffee and my Bible app and began reading today’s verse and the study I had chosen. The text had to do with the story of Isaac and Rebecca and their twin sons Esau and Jacob. Esau was the oldest and typically would be the successor to his father. But God had chosen Jacob the youngest.

You can imagine the sibling rivalry. Furthermore, scripture said that Isaac loved Esau, but Rebecca loved Jacob. More family dynamics enter the mix. Moreover, Rebecca devised a plan to trick Isaac into thinking Jacob was Esau and Isaac fell for it and gave the blessing to Jacob.

Imagine the anger and resentment when Esau discovered that Jacob had taken his blessing. Now, you’ll have to read the entire passage to get the full context. I will tell the story to give you the family relationships that need transformation.

Can you relate to sibling rivalry with your own brothers or sisters? Or do you see it in your own kids’ lives? How has jealousy or expectations wreaked havoc on family relationships? How has it affected you as a mother? Rebecca sent Jacob to her brother’s home far away to find a wife and live until things settled down.

A mother’s heartbroken as she lost a son. Would it be permanent? Would she ever see him again? Later read the full story in Genesis 26 – 28.

Tending to the Garden

As parents, we want a good relationship with our kids and with one another. You and I both know that frequently that isn’t the true story. As a mother estranged from a loved one your heart is broken. Eventually you may feel like Rebecca wondering if your relationship will be restored. An Isaac or Jacob may describe your relationship with a son or daughter.

Additionally, you may begin to feel that your heart is much like that neglected and unsightly garden. Weeds of resentment and bitterness have sprouted. Your heart has hardened like the river rock in the bed. Grappling with the desire to reconcile and the lack of control to do anything about it leaves you weary and exhausted.

Time passes without any sign of reconciliation. Text messages and phone calls go unanswered. Birthday cards are sent with no response. Replaying old conversations spring up like fast growing weeds and you want to do something, but what?

My friend, I’ve been there and know what that feels like. And what I discovered, I’ll share with you. It’s time to tend to the garden of your own heart. It’s painful, takes time and patience, but it will heal your heart and prepare you for transformation in relationships.

Transformation Requires a Master Gardener

True transformation requires a higher power and that is Jesus. You see we can try to forgive but the hurt keeps coming back. We have momentary peace, but it never lasts. The weeds of bitterness have taken root, and we just can’t seem to pull them up permanently. As a child of God, his Holy Spirit is your transformer. Your job is simply to invite him in to do the gardening.

What’s more, it will require your cooperation. Imagine inviting a professional to come in and clean up your neglected garden and then taking over his job because you feel you can do a better job. It sounds crazy, but we do it all the time.

We ask God into our lives and ask him to transform our thinking or our attitude and as he’s doing the work, we interrupt, push him aside and take over. How has that worked? Yes – it didn’t work too well for me either.

The first step is to

Don’t rush this process. It took over a year for me to finally forgive, even though I was asking God daily to help me. Use your journal to write down your daily encounters with God. Record what you are feeling as well as what you’ve asked him to do in your heart. Then, write the answers as you see them unfold in the coming weeks and months.

Transformed Garden

Have you ever experienced the transformation of an unsightly garden or piece of land into a magnificent bed full of healthy shrubs, trees, and flowering plants? The sights and smells are heavenly.

However, the transformation didn’t take place overnight. You can’t snap your fingers and go from weeds and hardened soil to a gorgeous garden, and neither can you do that with your heart. It takes time and commitment even when you can’t see progress.

You see, God is at work when you invite him in. The process of removing the hardness and weeds that have taken root takes time. You’ll wrestle with this and that’s part of it. Stay in the word and pray frequently. Trust him to do a mighty work in you.

You aren’t trying to reconcile the estrangement here. God wants your heart. He wants transformation of you. Whether you’ve been a Christian for a long time or you’re new to the faith, we all need his work on our heart at various times. Especially when you are reeling from estrangement, it’s Satan’s playground for establishing those weeds that choke out everything else.

Has the garden of your heart become filled with unwanted weeds that just won’t go away?

Are you ready for his transformation into something beautiful?

It’s hard to live with hope when you are estranged from a loved one. Furthermore, it’s human nature to try and control the outcome. What God is asking of you is to submit your heart to him and let him do the heavy lifting. He’s just asking for your cooperation.

And once you’re through this ardent process, you’ll discover a heart that is lighter. Free of pride, resentment, anger, and bitterness. The soil of your heart will be prepared for an eventual reconciliation should that occur.

Now if you’ve listened to other podcasts, you know that I’ve said all relationships do not reconcile. But even if that is the outcome, God will have prepared your heart and brought transformation to you that will be noticeable in all other relationships.

Who knows if God didn’t plan to use this estrangement for something good? This may be the very trial in your life that he uses for his ultimate good. Don’t take this wrong. God doesn’t want estrangement or like it any more than you do.

But things happen in this world and if we allow him, he will use anything – even hurtful broken relationships – to transform our lives as we allow him to have the glory of making our hearts better and more like his.

That’s it for today. Until next time – invite the Master Gardener in to do some transformation in your heart. And then watch the results unfold over time.

TOPIC: Podcast