You want to avoid conflict that may lead to further estrangement, but should you? And what will that decision cost you? Should you learn to keep your mouth shut or speak up?

Whether you are in an estranged relationship or not, that is a dilemma many women face daily. And with compelling cause. There is a right and wrong way to express yourself and it takes some navigation to do communicate in a healthy manner.

You may be in a relationship that is contentious, and the other person knows exactly how to trigger you. Boy, I’ve been there. And my natural reaction was to respond now and deal with the consequences later. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that doesn’t work well.

Conversely, some women have been brought up to avoid conflict at all costs. That will eat you alive. Conflict is a part of life. Unfortunately, when you’re in an estranged relationship or one that is a constant battle, it isn’t easy.

Many relationships have been destroyed over conflict. Knowing how to navigate it will produce a positive outcome for you – even if the relationship does not remain intact.

I have discovered that people sometimes lack the maturity to manage conflict wisely. And that’s why it is so important to keep yourself in check and learn to respond to criticism and triggers that protect your mental health.

I’ll be the first to admit that when someone who knows my triggers begins to push those buttons, I can easily become extremely angry and say things I later regret. It’s hard not to do that when you are being attacked. Let’s shift the perspective a minute.

Shifting Perspective to Manage Conflict

If someone that cares about you is pushing those trigger buttons, then something is going on in their world causing them to behave in that manner. Often, it has nothing to do with you. But you are the scapegoat.

What if that person was triggered by something that causes them fear or anxiety? What if they never learned how to oversee conflict appropriately? Shifting your mindset will alleviate some of the anger and defensive posture.

Taking control of your emotions is the first step.

What if the person is estranged and you get the occasional text or negative comments that could lead to an all-out argument? You know, there are some people that just love a good fight. They invite you to the party with their jabs but guess what? You don’t have to accept the invitation.

Here are some tips to help navigate those situations.

Relax and let your mind center to a calm and neutral state where you can think clearly. This will prevent you from lashing out and escalating the situation.

I’ve often found that by taking these steps and sleeping on something I’m in a different mindset and better able to manage the person and situation.

What is The Desired Outcome?

This is so important. Stop and think, with a clear mind, how do you want this to end? If you value the relationship and want restoration or reconciliation, think about how you can act toward accomplishing that goal?

If this is an estranged relationship with a pattern of conflict, do you want the relationship at all? Now, I get that if it is a family member you can’t just kick them out of the family. But you can establish boundaries and limit the time you are around them.

Considering the desired outcome is a second step in avoiding conflict that is undesired.

Now, I want to be clear. Some conflict is good. It’s the catalyst that helps us examine ourselves and make growth changes. It teaches us maturity in how to navigate tough relationships. And it warns us that boundaries are sometimes necessary.

Don’t fear conflict. Learn how to use it to positively impact your mental health.

Avoid Conflict is Sometimes the Only Option 

You will find times when your only option is to avoid conflict. You’ll notice a pattern with people, and you may even observe how they deal with conflict with others.

My siblings and I were mouthy kids. By that I mean, we weren’t afraid to speak our minds and at times that landed us in some trouble. There is a time and place to speak up and wisdom is the key to knowing. Some people are just conflicted and nothing you say or do will make any difference. It’s hard to keep one’s mouth shut, but sometimes that’s what is needed.

It’s wise to avoid conflict when the other person is in a blame and shame game. Belittling and shaming you is not okay, and you need to speak up and say enough.

And at times you may be in a relationship where the other person is going through some tough times and giving some grace is a wise thing to do. You have every right to say something that would cause conflict, but is it the right time? Is there a better way for the higher good?

If you avoid conflict however, just to keep peace that will start a war within you. It’s important to communicate your feelings in a healthy manner. And remember you aren’t responsible for how the other person reacts or responds. If you are acting respectfully, that’s all you can do.

Relationships are difficult at times. Learning to navigate the conflict and emotional upheavals will make a lasting impact on those that are near and dear to you. Likewise, knowing when to let go of one is paramount too.

Letting go doesn’t mean kicking them out of your life for good. But it may necessitate letting it go for a time and hoping that they will learn how to communicate in a respectful and mature manner.

Conflict is on the rise in families and in the workplace. The world is a crazy place and people are worried about many things that can lead to angry and critical mindsets. Take a deep breath, get your mind in a good place, establish boundaries, and learn to navigate conflict maturely.

Most importantly, remember you are a beautiful and amazing woman!

TOPIC: Podcast