Move on – how many times have you heard that phrase? Wouldn’t it be easy if we could just flip a switch and close the door on hurtful relationships?

For so many, the estranged relationship involves a family member, and it isn’t so easy to just walk away and close the door. So, how do you move on? I feel your pain and if you’re like me you’ve closed that door so many times, only to crack it open now and then.

My husband and I are in the process of a big move from Arizona to Texas and the term move on has brought new light to estrangement that I want to share with you. Turn off distractions and stay tuned for today’s message.

Change of Perspective

It may be helpful to change your perspective when considering moving on from an estranged relationship. You tend to think of the relationship itself and remember good times as well as the hurtful memories. Try to think of this in terms of physical move from one location to another.

As I am preparing to move there are many agenda items to check off. Moving companies, discarding unwanted items, donating goods, changing address, saying goodbyes, transferring utilities and so many things.

It is an exciting time. Wonderful memories were made in this house and community along with some not so happy times. But I don’t dwell on those. I am laser focused on what I have to do to prepare.

Deadlines loom with the community garage sale coming up first and that will help me discard items we no longer use. And it reduces the load on the moving truck which is a cost saver. Then, I move on to donating items that didn’t sell and consider charities that could benefit.

Packing comes next along with goodbye parties and closing on the house and anticipating life in our new home.

Of course there are bittersweet memories. We’ll be leaving some amazing friends, but my heart is full as I thank God for their friendship and influence over the past 20 years. We have decided to move on, and it was our choice. It’s an exciting time.

If you can frame your estranged relationship in a comparable manner, it will help you close the door. Notice, I didn’t say slam the door. There’s a difference.

What Will You Gain When You Move On?

Rather than focusing on what you are leaving behind, what will you gain when you move on? In a physical move, we gain an opportunity to meet new friends, find a new Church, explore a new community, and decorate a new home.

Estrangement leaves our heart raw and exposed. Apply some healing salve as you being to allow your mind to focus on what might be gained when that door is closed.

I understand you may not have closed the door. It may have been slammed shut and locked by someone else. Either way, you can’t open it right now and to move on, a new perspective and mind shift is necessary.

An estranged relationship I didn’t seek or want will be left behind. What I gain is no day-to-day reminders of the brokenness. Time and distance are often good remedies for estrangement. Here are some other things I will gain.

What do you gain if you move on in a relationship?

If you think about it, you can produce a number of good and exciting things that can occupy your mind.

Saying Goodbyes

Moving physically will involve saying goodbye to some friends and may other family members. It’s the same with an estranged relationship. You may have to say goodbye to mutual friends and create distance in some other relationships.

It doesn’t mean it’s permanent, but it’s something you are choosing to do for now.

Although I am going to miss friends terribly, I no longer feel the dread. I know I’ve been blessed by them, and true friendships will transcend time and distance. We’ll stay in touch. It will just be a bit different.

If the goal is to reconcile and restore one day, this distance will be good for you and hopefully for your estranged family member as well.

Look to the future and what you are gaining as you move on.

Adjusting to New Life

God has been tugging on my heart in all of this. I know he wants me to forgive others as I’ve been forgiven and love those people as He’s loved me. But boy is that hard. I’ve felt that it’s harder to do these things when I am in close proximity with daily reminders of the broken relationship.

It will be an adjustment no doubt, but as I look forward to these new opportunities and friendships and church relationships, I feel excitement I haven’t felt in a long time.

It’s okay to be excited about closing a door and moving on. In fact, it may be a healthy decision for you. I’m betting it will be.

In a past estranged relationship, I found that phrase “out of sight out of mind” to be true. When you aren’t thinking about it frequently, your mind is free to dwell on other things. Falling leaves of yellow, orange and red. A new hobby or fitness program.

It may be a new home or involve new friendships or church. Adjusting will be much easier when you focus on these and what you’re gaining and not what you’re giving up.

Moving On in Estrangement Creates Spiritual Growth

As you learn to move on, embrace the new and let go of the old. Release hurtful words and experiences and explore forgiveness, your heavy heart becomes light and free. You’re ready to explore new avenues. You close your mind to the pain of the past and open up to the abundance waiting for you.

God is beckoning you to move on and get closer to him. He wants you to release the painful memories along with any guilt, shame, resentment, or bitterness. He’s ready and able to take it from you. He will right the wrongs in his way. We want revenge and he wants restoration.

He is much more adept at managing these things than we are.

How would it feel to you if your heart were no longer weighed down with anger, bitterness, resentment, and constant negativity? How long has it been since you’ve truly felt freedom?

Too long? It’s time to let it go. Close the door quietly. A grand slam is not necessary or helpful. Close it quietly and move on to your new life.

 

Reconciliation

If reconciliation and restoration of an estranged relationship is the goal, let distance be a healing agent. Work on your own heart with God and let them go. God will deal with them in his way and timing.

And if there is an opportunity for a reconciled relationship in the future, you’ll be in a much better place to work through the process.

Are You Ready to Move on and Experience Freedom

You choose where you live. In despair, guilt, shame, anger, resentment. That doesn’t sound like a good place to me.

Or fulness, freedom, joy, happiness, and love. That’s where I want to dwell and it’s where God will dwell with me. He is inviting you to make the move.

Shift your mindset and change your perspective thinking in terms of a physical location move. Apply those principles and then quietly close the door. Invite God into your heart to help with the transition as you focus on what you will gain.

Let his healing word be the salve your heart needs as you trust him and grow closer to him. And trust him with the outcome of your estranged relationship.

Now because I engage in physical move, the shows will be a bit less often but check back and once I’m settled in before end of year, I’ll be sure to jump back in and let you know how it’s going.

You can always reach out to me at becky@nullbeckykolb.com or on my website at www.beckykolb.com/contact

I’ll be checking those often.

That’s it for today. Until next time – Remember you’re a beautiful and amazing woman! And a move to close a door, move on and look toward what you are gaining is a beautiful thing.

TOPIC: Podcast