Surrender and cooperation are two words that helped me discover the peace I was seeking as I experienced estrangement in a relationship.

Admittedly, these are not two words we readily think about. Surrender conjures up the thought of giving up control. Cooperation may not be as fearful depending on what we are being asked to cooperate with.

Whatever you are struggling with today, I want to encourage you and help you discover peace. If you are estranged today from someone you care about, no doubt you struggle with guilt, shame, anger, resentment, right?

I’ve been there and the passage from scripture I’ll share with you today is a game changer. Stay tuned and let’s dive in.

Scripture is the Anchor for our Soul

Today I am talking with the Christian woman. I do not mean to offend if your belief is elsewhere, but I make no apology for my beliefs and the change for good in my own life.

If you are a believer in Christ, you know the authority of scripture. The Bible is the standard by which we measure truth. In today’s world truth is defined in many ways, but there is only one truth.

James 4:5 says “Do you think the scriptures have no meaning? They say that God is passionate that the spirit he has placed in us should be faithful to him.”

I want to unpack that passage a bit. That scripture says that God has placed his spirit in the believer and that he is passionate that the spirit is faithful to him. What does that mean?

First, it means that the spirit living in us will always be faithful to God. That he will obey Him by not giving us desires that conflict with his word and ways.

Conflict within our Spirit

Estrangement creates emotions that are not in alignment with Biblical principles. You’ve experienced them and so have I. Someone has wronged you and you feel anger. A child has rejected you in favor of the other parent and it hurts.

Grudges begin to build and you nurse those. Guilt surfaces and you wallow in it. Shame steals your joy and happiness as you wonder what you could’ve done differently. Resentment builds as you think of unfairness. That turns into anger and eventually bitterness takes root.

Negative thoughts consume you as you contemplate revenge. Surrender and cooperation are miles away.

Calmness comes and for a while you have some peace. But it doesn’t last. Waves of emotions wash over you repeatedly. Why? How could this be? Will you ever reconcile with your loved one?

Surrender and Cooperation

This passage of scripture can shed some light on your inner turmoil and desire for peace. When you seek revenge God’s spirit in you says no. He will not go along with that. Why? Because scripture says, “vengeance is mine, I will repay.” God himself will avenge you. He doesn’t need your help.

I discovered long ago that when we as the offended one seek revenge, we seek harm. We want that person to hurt as much as they hurt us. But God seeks restoration. His vengeance is different than ours. We must learn to surrender to him and his ways and timing.

You may say “I’m not going to forgive them for what they did.” God’s spirit in you says that isn’t going to work. I won’t go along with that either. Because scripture says we are to forgive as we have been forgiven. I’ve talked about that before, so I won’t go into detail here.

You say you are bitter over what has happened, and you just can’t get over it. God’s spirit says nope, that won’t work. God says let no root of bitterness spring up in you.

Well, jeez, what are you to do? Great question and one God wants you to ask. The answer is surrender and cooperation.

Cooperation with the Holy Spirit to Bring Peace in Estrangement

I understand all the emotions you feel. Not only have I felt them, but I’ve also struggled with him, acted up on them and wrestled with God about it. Do you know what? My way didn’t work. No amount of seeking revenge, expressing anger, bitterness or resentment has helped. In fact, it hurt me more.

Earnestly seeking answers, I pleaded with God but unless I was seeking his will and his ways, the spirit offered no peace.

Sadly, many of us have been wallowing in this cycle for many years. Our lack of surrender and cooperation yields a life of unhappiness and steals our joy. And that’s exactly what Satan wants from us. Scripture says he comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Think about your estrangement for a minute. What are your current emotions?

Are you angry and resentful?

Has bitterness taken root in your soul?

Have you allowed Satan to kill your joy and steal your happiness?

Is all of this destroying other relationships?

 Time to Surrender

When God places his spirit within you, two options exist. You can resort to surrender and cooperation that will result in freedom, peace, and protection. Or you can wage war within your soul as you do battle with your will over his.

The latter choice will result in chaos, confusion, oppression, and lack of peace.

You will not win the battle and have lasting peace until you are aligned with God in surrender and cooperation. Resist all you want but you will never be free until you decide to trust him.

Trust God with your Deepest Pain

God sees your pain. He’s living in you if you are his child and so he feels it too. He understands. Remember Jesus was rejected, mocked, falsely accused, imprisoned, and gave his life for you and me so that we could be free of the negative emotions caused by estrangement.

Romans 8:38 and 39 say that God will never stop loving you. But he also knows that as a human being, you struggle with trust and the emotional pain you feel. He doesn’t want you to live with that any longer.

What Does Surrender and Cooperation Mean?

Surrender is simply laying down your will at the foot of the cross. Give God your pain, bitterness, anger, resentment, shame, guilt, and anything else weighing you down.

Give him your desire for revenge. Trust him to avenge you in his timing and in his ways. Understand that he loves your offender just as he loves you. He desires healing and reconciliation.

But reconciliation is dependent upon the other person with whom you are estranged. Leave that relationship with him. Pray for God to work in their heart and yours.

Ask God to help you cooperate with his spirit in you by giving you new thoughts that align with his. And when he gives you thoughts such as forgiveness, love, understanding, new perspectives open your mind to them. Seek to understand more and let him transform your heart.

You may or may not reconcile with your estranged loved one, but you will discover lasting peace and the spirit living in you will bless you for surrender and cooperation.

Most often, it’s in the surrender that you learn and grow the most. The process is for you and your growth in the Lord.

Until next time – practice the process of surrender and cooperation and discover lasting peace!