Family conflict is on the rise as I am hearing from women in many circles. In recent years, politics, religion, and a host of other topics are dividing families more than ever.
I personally experienced that a few months ago when a conflict arose and it turned into a personal attack on perceived religious and political beliefs.
Are you experiencing it too? Families once able to gather at the dinner table and discuss happenings are now unfriending one another on social media. They’ve offered ultimatums and loved ones are splintered.
How do you navigate these perilous times with family and friends that you love? We’ll talk more about that in today’s episode.
Estrangement is Increasing at an Alarming Rate
I’ve stated before that estrangement affects over 70 million people. That was from an old study. Today that number must be much higher. What is causing this alarming epidemic with families pitting themselves against one another?
From a biblical perspective, it’s demonic. God calls upon his children to love one another as he has loved us. To forgive one another as he has forgiven us. He says as far as it depends upon you, live in peace with one another.
But how do you live in peace when conflict abounds? Your voice is not heard, and you are attacked for your perceived beliefs? Appalling is the number of social media posts I saw during elections that warned family members they would be unfriended if they supported a particular candidate.
What has happened to our families? Why is family conflict on the rise and why do they feel the only option is to distance themselves from you or worse reject you completely?
- Entitlement – people today, especially the younger generation feels entitled. They feel people, even their families, owe them.
- Misunderstanding – families today do not talk. When an issue arises, it’s easier to judge and reject rather than sit down and try to understand another perspective. And it is tearing families apart.
- Loss of respect – families treat one another like an enemy rather than a loved one sharing the same bloodline in some instances. Lack of caring genuinely about another abounds. Some are mired in selfishness and their own desires.
- Family of origin – it’s so easy to discount this one. Everyone has issues. People who were themselves rejected or abandoned will respond to life differently than those that weren’t. Abusive relationships create patterns. Social injustices do as well. It’s helpful to ponder this when family conflict arises.
Family Conflict is on the Rise
As a result of all of this, we are seeing a crisis in family relationships leading to more estrangement. To be honest, there is a plethora of stuff going on in the world. The political climate is fever high. Economics has many worries about the future.
War torn countries. Media bias. Family conflict. Health concerns. It’s overwhelming. People lash out in anger and often to those they love. And it’s leading to permanent loss of relationships that shouldn’t be happening.
Tolerance of other’s beliefs is no longer accepted. Violence is raging and seems to be acceptable even to some in our families.
Some have told me they just stay silent. Avoiding any conversation about current events, politics, religion, the media, and personal reactions will just start a war within the family that you don’t want. And you feel isolated. As though you can’t have real conversations without being judged or ostracized.
How do you deal with these kinds of issues?
View Family Conflict Through the Lens of Scripture
We are living in perilous times. Regardless of which political aisle you are on, most agree that we’ve reached dangerous times. We’ve lost our way with the ability to communicate. We’re allowing things to happen that should never be.
Take a step back from all the chaos and let’s look at what scripture has to say about some of this.
- The first recorded murder was in the book of Genesis with Cain and Abel and resulted from sibling rivalry. Family conflict is on the rise, but it’s been happening since the beginning of time. And many of the reasons are the same as ancient days.
- Joseph’s brothers’ jealousy led them to sell him into slavery, and it was years before it all came to a head with any favorable resolution. Think of all that had been lost in those years.
- King David and his son Absolom faced family strife and conflict.
- Jesus ministry on his brief time on earth created family conflict and division. And not just for him but for his followers and their families. And it’s still happening today.
What Does Scripture Say About Family Conflict and Resolution
- It emphasizes loving and respectful relationships.
- Love and forgiveness
- Humiliation and selflessness
- Peaceful reconciliation
- Communication and listening
- Dependence upon God
These attributes are the antheses of what families are doing to one another today. And if you are on the receiving end of this, then it creates a barrage of emotions in you that are likely to be contrary to what God desires of you. I get it because I’ve experienced it too.
In Family Conflict You Only Control Yourself
I don’t know about you, but I have been a businessperson for much of my adult life. As a leader, I tend to be a little controlling. Okay, more than a little. It’s part and parcel with type A personalities and it lands you in some hot water at times.
The predominant lesson to be learned is that you can only control yourself and your responses to situations. You cannot control another person including what they say or do. And the sooner you accept this truth, the more peaceful your life will become.
What difficult relationships are you dealing with now? Who are they to you? Family, friends, or co-workers? What have you done thus far to avoid the conflict or better yet to address it and move forward?
If you are bitter, angry, resentful, and gossiping about it with others, you aren’t dealing with the conflict as God desires and you are suffering the emotional upheaval. You’re exhausted and you want relief.
Family conflicts are on the rise. Do you want to find peace? Learn to let it go? Work on your life and your responses. If so, your heart is where God wants it.
Tips to Manage Family Conflict in a Godly Manner
First, confess your sinful attitudes to God. Admit your emotions. When I admitted that I was bitter and angry about how I had been treated, it was freeing. And God knew it already. I wasn’t telling him anything new. In my effort to avenge myself, I lashed out, gossiped and blamed. Until I realized that it was only hurting me.
Second, ask God to reframe this relationship with you. In my case, I loved this person even though I was angry with them. I asked him to help me see the person with his eyes. And when I did that, he opened my heart and mind to some things that I had not considered.
I wasn’t accepting their behavior, nor did God expect me to, but it helped me understand a little more.
Third, work through forgiveness. It’s a process and not a one and done. And the other person may not be speaking to you. You don’t have to have their permission to forgive them. You can do that all by yourself with God. And do it every day until you finally feel it. You can find a podcast I did on forgiveness at beckykolb.com/6
Fourth, love the person as God loves you. That doesn’t mean reconciliation or restoration. That may never happen. But you can pray for them. Ask God’s blessings upon them and their family. It will flood your heart with peace.
Fifth, let it go by giving it to God. Repeat these steps as often as you need and eventually you will be free from bitterness and anger. And you’ll feel his peace deep in your soul.
Family Conflict is in Crisis Mode
As family conflict is on the rise, you can be a peacemaker by controlling yourself. Resolve to respond God’s way and let the chips fall where they may. Be okay with the relationship estrangement if reconciliation isn’t in the cards.
Let God take care of their journey as their choices and responses are on them. Your journey with him is your responsibility.
Family conflict is hard, and estrangement is bitter, but you can use these tough times to grow closer to God. Become in a deeper relationship with him. Let him transform your heart and peace will flow.
And I’ve created a worksheet that may help you work through forgiveness. Go to www.beckykolb.com/guide for your free download.
Until next time, stay strong, stay in the word, and stay on your knees. Prayer is a powerful tool in family conflict.