Estrangement and feelings often create an emotional train wreck. How are you feeling today? When people ask that question, you know that they don’t really want to hear that you are upset, sad, disappointed. They are just being nice.
The real question is do you know what you are feeling? Can you identify it by name? It’s harder than you may think. You see, estrangement creates opportunities for us to bury our feelings. You may turn to other things to distract and numb what you feel.
Suddenly angry outbursts may leave you wondering where that came from. Tears that seem to fall for no reason cause you to think you’re losing it. The good news is you aren’t. I want to share some things with you about feelings and emotions that I’ve learned that I think you’ll want to hear.
Feelings are Fickle
Your feelings alone can’t be trusted. What do I mean by that? Consider the relationship with whom you are estranged. Do you feel that you are a failure? Or that you are a terrible mother? Are either of those true? In a word – no!
It’s okay to feel, but equally important to challenge those feelings. When I was estranged from my son, I felt like a failure. Choices I made created pain, and I felt shameful. And what happens when those feelings arise? You linger and entertain them and eventually believe them.
As I sought professional help, I learned that I was the boss of my feelings. That was life changing. No longer did I have to accept the lie I believed. It was a feeling. I owned it, made amends, and then waited an exceptionally long time for the estrangement to end.
Estrangement and feelings are going to create issues for you unless you learn to challenge them and find the truth.
Challenging Feelings
Challenging your feelings in estrangement or any demanding situation begins with an honest assessment. Ask yourself how it is with your soul? Do you feel joy, fear, anger, sadness, disappointment, or all of it?
Honestly, it feels good to identify and state the feeling. When you can say to yourself, today I feel sad and then explore that sadness. I feel sad because a memory popped up on social media that triggered a happier time.
That’s a healthy dialogue with yourself. You’ve identified and explored that emotion and now you can challenge it. I’ll feel sad for a little while, and then I’ll move on with my day.
Feelings from your estrangement don’t have to ruin your day. I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel the feelings. Just don’t let them stay too long. Like guests, they get stinky after a few days.
One more thing on this while we’re on the subject. If you are having trouble identifying your feelings or find yourself consistently sad or thinking harmful thoughts, please find a good therapist and talk it out with someone professionally.
Hope is a Feeling
Have you considered hope as a feeling? Do you feel hopeful in your estranged relationships? I have found that creating hope is a healthy emotion for me. I am hopeful that one day hearts will soften and be healed. I read something recently that was impressive.
It said, “forgiveness is for me, but reconciliation is for us.” WOW! I am in control of forgiving another for how they’ve hurt me. Forgiveness sets my heart free. But reconciliation – that takes both of us. And I’m not in control of the other person’s heart, mind, or thoughts.
I encourage you to find forgiveness if you haven’t and develop hope. It’s perfectly fine to establish boundaries and at the same time be hopeful that it won’t always be like this.
Hope is a healthy happy emotion.
What God Says About Estrangement and Feelings
When challenging estrangement and feelings, it’s often necessary to see what God says. God’s word is a reliable source for truth. Try studying a particular emotion for some in depth guidance. You’ll find subjects on anger, disappointment, contentment, hope and much more.
A topical biblical devotion is especially insightful in challenging your feelings and truth. Remember, you can only control you. What another does or says is not on you. Let it go and focus on your emotional health.
Learn to Live in Truth and Let Everything Else Go
It’s so easy to relive hurtful words and to want to defend yourself against false accusations. People have spread lies about you to others and turned others against you too. Our human tendency is to get even. But God says that we weren’t meant to carry the burden.
Will you commit to identifying and challenging your feelings?
And then hand those over to God and believe what he says about you?
Will you trust that he will avenge you in his way and timing?
My prayer is that you find health and healing in identifying your feelings and emotions. And that you’ll be able to challenge them to discover the truth and reject what isn’t. Finally, that you’ll live in freedom knowing God loves you, created you for a purpose and has your back in all things.