Trying to get through Mother’s Day with estranged kids is akin to living a terrible nightmare. Years ago, I remember dreading the holiday. While everyone was receiving flowers, chocolates, cards, and loving attention, I bawled my eyes out.

My kids were estranged following my divorce and other circumstances surrounding that event. Was I really a terrible mother? Rather than being a day to celebrate, it was one that I wanted to end quickly.

Does that resonate with you? I feel your pain. I’ve lived it and knew how badly it hurts. And I have some encouragement for you to get through this Mother’s Day. Sit back, relax and let’s go.

Mother’s Day Blues

Dealing with Mother’s Day with estranged kids can create a day of pain, tears and lead to guilt and shame. This day set aside to honor motherhood has become a curse in your mind. Your focus is on all the moms who are getting attention from their kids, and you haven’t heard from yours forever.

Results from this kind of thinking do not end well. I remember one Mother’s Day many years ago. It was when I threw the biggest pity party for myself. Estranged from my family and my kids, I felt like an utter failure. This day felt like a curse for me.

Church that morning didn’t help either. It was an emotionally charged sermon that brought on more tears. Why had I bothered to get out of bed? That was my mental state as I awoke. All I had was a headache from crying, sore and tired eyes, and exhaustion. That’s the gift I gave to myself.

It didn’t have to be that way, and I learned along the way that I could control my emotions and experience and entirely different outcome – even amid the estrangement.

Step One – Face the Facts of Estrangement

Our minds play dirty little tricks on us and as a result we spiral downward into an emotional wreck. Stop with all the blaming and guilt. What are the facts? Your kids do not speak to you. They do not want a relationship. Another parent is preferred. You’re blamed for their missteps. Whatever it is – just layout the facts in your mind.

Avoid the pitfalls of adding to it with your emotional pain and rebuttal to anything other than the facts.

Separate yourself from being an estranged mom. Imagine you are sitting across from a dear friend who has just told you these facts. What would you say to her? Would you condemn her or attempt to make her feel shame or guilt?

Or would you encourage her and try to help her see the beautiful qualities you know about her? You are a good friend and you would choose the latter. She needs your encouragement right then – not a lecture or condemnation.

So, why would you be any different to yourself? You’re the lovely lady who needs love and encouragement. Offer those gifts to yourself on Mother’s Day. You can honor your day as a mother whether your kids do or not.

Change your Mindset

Mother’s Day with estranged kids is difficult, no doubt. And you can choose to go down the slippery slope as I did years ago with a pity party. Alternatively, you can change your mindset and take control of your emotions and your special day.

How do you do that? I want to share a scripture with you that helped me. It’s from Philippians 2 and it says: “do everything without complaining and arguing…”

No complaining? That’s a tall order, right? The scripture goes on to say shine like bright lights in a world of crooked and perverse people. Now, before you think I’m calling any of your estranged people crooked or perverse, that’s not what I’m saying.

Focus on the shine like bright lights. Again, how do you do that when you are estranged from your kids on Mother’s Day? You certainly don’t feel like a bright light. In fact, you would rather crawl back in bed and pull the covers up over your head until the day passes.

My friend, I am going to tell you that step one to change your mindset is key to you having a decent day.

Journal Gratitude for Estranged Moms

To achieve your goal of enjoying this Mother’s Day without your kids, I want you to give yourself a journal and a nice pen. I love gel pens. Gel pens write smoothly and it makes me feel good to use them. I know it’s a silly and small thing, but it works.

Write down happy memories that you’ve enjoyed with your kids. Things that make you smile when you remember them.

Furthermore, include gratitude for each child and special memories that you cherish in your heart.

Let these thoughts permeate your mind and soul as you approach this Mother’s Day.

Step Two – Cease Complaining

Temptation to complain is strongest when your guard is down and your emotions are near the surface. And on Mother’s Day with estranged kids, believe me your emotions are oozing out of your pores.

Resist complaining. Think of one or two combat phrases when a complaint enters your mind. Don’t let that complaint go any further than your mind. Speak to it with that phrase.

For example, you might complain that your kids are enjoying your special day with your ex-husband and his new wife. Your phrase might be, “I am a great Mom and grateful that my kids are happy and healthy.”

You may not feel that emotion right then, but the more you say it, the more you’ll feel it. And you’re avoiding the complaint and changing your mindset. Which in turn makes you healthier mentally and stronger emotionally.

Step 3 – Gratitude and Love is a Command and a Choice

God himself tells us not to complain. And he tells us to love and forgive, These are commands, but they are also a choice you get to make.

You’ve complained and so have I. You’ve withheld love and forgiveness and so have I. But we are not going to focus on the past. We’re rewriting today and our future. And we do that by changing our mindset, cease to complain and choose gratitude.

Sometimes we feel guilty because we haven’t followed God in these areas. Like me, you may feel like a novice at attempting these 3 steps. Practice makes perfect. And when you have a journal, a nice pen, and an open mind, you can get through Mother’s Day with estranged kids in a healthy way.

Moreover, when you keep a gratitude journal and turn your complaints into thanksgiving for your blessings, you begin to feel lighter, happier, and peaceful.

Isn’t that a great gift to give yourself on Mother’s Day?

Years from now, you’ll look back at this journal and see how God has worked in your life and your kids. You’ll have even more gratitude pouring out of your heart.

Mother’s Day with Estranged Kids Will be Okay.

You will survive this Mother’s Day with estrangement, and you’ll get through it with much more peace if you do the 3 steps I’ve discussed today.

It’s simple – but not easy. Give yourself the best gift this year. Buy a nice journal, a great pen and set aside some time to start this practice. And don’t let it end. Keep this going every day and by next Mother’s Day you’ll be a different person.

I know it’s hard to walk into Mother’s Day with estranged kids. That was my experience for several years. It hurt immensely. But I got through it, learned some valuable lessons, and have come out stronger and at peace.

Will you give yourself a gift this Mother’s Day?

Won’t you agree that you are a lovely woman that has many blessings?

Isn’t it time to celebrate the woman and mother you are – regardless of estrangement?

My friend, let me be the first to wish you a lovely Mother’s Day. You are a valued child of God, loved by him and many others that know you. You have so much to offer. Start with these 3 steps and hold your head high today and every day.