Family estrangement may be one of the toughest tests you will face in life. People say that death of a loved one is more difficult, and I do not discount that one. But estrangement is the death of a relationship whether it’s a child, parent, or beloved family member.

You may feel as though you are hanging on by a thread and the slightest movement will cause a break that will send you crashing downward. Estranged relationships. I have been to that breaking point and I know how it feels.

Today’s message will shift your perspective on how to view this estrangement so that you can begin to repair that broken and frayed thread and find strength and healing for your soul. Ready to dive in?

Family Estrangement

Remember the early school days when someone in your class said they didn’t like you or didn’t choose you to be on their team? Recall that phrase, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”

Kids especially can be cruel, and it hurts when you are on the wrong end of that stick. As you mature into adolescent and adult life, you know full well that words hurt. More than physical pain at times.

Sibling rivalry is a topic women tell me they deal with. One woman tells me she hasn’t spoken to her sister in many years. Parent and child relationships often struggle due to lifestyle choices, political or religious beliefs. You may feel as if you aren’t good enough to earn their love.

Divorce creates tension between mother and father and their children. Family estrangement is at the top of the list for those who have experienced separation or divorce.

A lesser relationship and often overlooked is the estrangement between you and in-law relationships. It’s more common that you may realize.

How do you deal with this family estrangement? As a Christian woman, you know that you are supposed to forgive and love all people, but these folks? The ones that have hurt, rejected, and abandoned you? The ones that gossip about you to others?

Estrangement Leads to Emotional Pain

Family estrangement creates a self-confidence issue for every single woman I’ve talked to. It was true in my estranged relationships too. How are you supposed to feel when someone you love rejects you?

You feel unloved. Unworthy. Guilty. Shameful. Struggling to hold onto any esteem you have. A lady that I coached had been in therapy to deal with her anxiety over estrangement. She was encouraged to share her feelings with the hurtful family member.

This woman did that in writing and delivered it to the person. She tried to stick to the facts as she knew them and expressed the things said and done that had been hurtful, hoping this would lead to productive conversation and restoration.

But it backfired and instantly she became the cause of everything. The other person made hateful accusations and further deteriorated the relationship. The rift couldn’t have been greater. She felt as if she was kindling for a fire, and a match had just been thrown at her.

Do you know that pain? Have you felt so devastated that you didn’t know where your next breath would come from? Your strength was gone. You vowed to never speak up for yourself again. Because all it did was create more pain.

Enter a Savior to Restore Your Faith

God gave me an analogy once that helped me through a time such as this. I saw a little eaglet who was covered in mud. Life had dealt her a few blows and her wings were broken so that she couldn’t fly. Weighed down by guilt, shame and emotional pain, the little eaglet felt hopeless.

Until someone came and scooped up the little eaglet with love and encouragement. He took the bird and immersed it in cleansing and healing water, removing all the caked-on mud and grime that hindered the purpose for which it was created.

An expert healer, he was able to repair the broken wings, bandaging them until they healed while lovingly speaking truth and love to the little bird.

After some time, the eaglet was healed with wings restored. The man told the bird she could fly. But she was afraid. Shee had been grounded for so long she wasn’t sure she could. What if I can’t fly, the eaglet said?

The expert healer said “Oh, but what if you can? What possibilities lie ahead for you?” And so, the eaglet full of new confidence flapped her wings and became airborne. She hadn’t felt so free in she couldn’t remember when. As she soared high above the earth, she forgot about the pain she had felt.

Are you the eaglet? Are you in need of an expert healer to scoop you up and heal your wounds so that you can fly again? Jesus is waiting. His arms are open wide. Will you surrender to him and let him restore your faith so you can fly as you were intended?

Forgiveness in Family Estrangement

For the eaglet, holding on to bitterness and resentment kept it grounded and mired in muddy waters. No doubt the bird had been hurt but it was time to let it go. She realized that holding onto all of it was hurting her and not the one who had hurt her.

Self-punishment is not what she sought. Enough. It was time to let it go, surrender it all to God and let him have her heart. Trusting him was hard. She had trusted another before, and it hadn’t turned out well. Baring her soul of the hurt she felt to the betrayer only lead to more humiliation and pain.

But she was tired of being held back. She wanted to get on with her life. Other eagles were soaring, and she was grounded. She so desperately wanted to fly. And so, she risked her soul to Jesus trusting that he would not betray her.

And he didn’t. He accepted her broken and all. He loved her because he had created her for a purpose and this wasn’t it. She wasn’t meant to be grounded and full of emotional pain. He wanted to take that from her and give her hope.

Surrender Your Emotional Pain in Family Estrangement

Surrendering your emotional pain is not easy. But you can trust the Lord with your pain when you can’t trust anyone else. He will listen when you pour out your heart to him.

Family estrangement is one of the hardest things you’ll ever experience. But you aren’t alone. 70 million people are estranged from someone. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and certainly not worth keeping you grounded.

Did you know you were created for a purpose? Do you know what your passions are? Has emotional pain from family estrangement kept you from discovering this?

Isn’t it time to discover that purpose, lay aside the emotional pain and learn to fly again? If you are interested in coaching sessions to help you get started, contact me at www.beckykolb.com/contact

Until next time, I’m praying that you allow God to restore your wings so that you can move on from the pain of family estrangement and soar as you were intended.