Happy New Year! We all love new beginnings, right? Out with the old and in with the new is a familiar motto for ringing in a new year. And not much as changed. You’re still estranged from someone you care about. A child, grandchild, sibling, or someone else.

You’re hoping that this may be the year it all turns around. The relationship is healed and restored. No more heartache. Same song but different verse.

Well, I want to encourage you to shift your mindset and open to the possibility of new beginnings whether that happens. The truth is that relationships may never be restored. It feels like a sore that never heals. Let’s explore some encouragement and hope to make this a truly blessed and hopeful year for you.

Hope

I talk with some women who hold on to hope that their loved one will find a way back into their life. That they will miss you and desire to have a relationship again.

And others tell me they’ve lost all hope. The estrangement has lasted so long they are sure it will never heal. Sadness is the familiar clothing they wear every day. Depression may take root unless a sprout of hope peaks through the soil.

Hope is the healing balm to get you started on your new beginnings. But it isn’t easy to have hope when you obsess over the lost relationship. So, stop obsessing!

Really! Quit thinking about it. Let it go. That’s the only way you are going to begin to move forward and that is the goal, isn’t it?

Shift your mindset. Here are a few things you can dwell on to get you started.

That should keep you busy for a bit. Write this down in a journal and name its New Beginnings.

Journal

Do you have a journal? I have been writing in one for a few years now. My mornings usually being quietly as I am an early riser. Armed with a cup of coffee and my You Version Bible app, I sit in my favorite chair. If I am particularly anxious or bothered, I write it in my journal beside today’s date.

And then I read my Bible verses and devotional and almost 100% of the time, God speaks to what I wrote. Either he gives me a unique perspective or assurance that he will help me through it. Sometimes journaling is short and other times it may be several pages.

Furthermore, I love to go back and read some of the earlier ones and see where God answered prayers or helped me through a challenging situation. Sometimes what I worried about most never came to fruition.

Some people like to keep a gratitude journal writing daily things that make them grateful. I encourage you to begin this process if you haven’t already. It’s a reliable source of hope and encouragement.

Mindshift to New Beginnings

Hope, daily meditation or quiet time and journaling sets the stage for a huge mind shift that will give you the new beginnings you seek.

Back to the estranged relationship a minute. Are you familiar with Mel Robbins? I listen to her podcasts from time to time and she has authored a book entitled Let Them.

The message is simple.

You see where it’s going, right? You can’t control anyone else. The sooner you learn that the happier you will be. Now, that doesn’t mean you subject yourself to any of it. Let them be who they are, and you choose who and how you will be.

Your child has rejected you. Okay, let them move on. Don’t waste anymore time worrying about it because it will do nothing to reconcile the relationship. In fact, moving on with your life will help them see you are not sulking over them. I don’t intend that to be taken the wrong way.

You love them. You desire a relationship. They don’t. So, until that changes, you move on. Enjoy life.

Adopt this mindset and you’ll begin to see positive changes in you. And so will those around you.

Establish Boundaries

No one said you must carry all the blame and shame. Even if you had a part in the estrangement, hopefully you’ve tried to make amends. And if that doesn’t go well, you’re done until they change that.

You’ll need to identify some boundaries to keep that sprout of new beginnings growing. I don’t know the details of your estranged relationship but think of the things that make you sad or mad.

You get the point. You take control of you and your emotions. Because they are the only ones you can do anything about.

One final thing. Don’t you dare allow yourself or anyone to tell you that you’re being rude or unreasonable by setting boundaries. The only ones that will be upset about them are the ones that had none before. And they were running roughshod over your emotions. Enough!

Coming Full Circle

Earlier, I asked you to write some things in a journal. Things that made you happy, people you were grateful for, accomplishments that made you proud. When you are alone and complete that project, work your way through the other points covered today.

And then, go back to that list. You’re coming full circle in the quest for new beginnings and now you’ll begin to focus on those attributes more carefully.

Formulate a plan to spend more time with those on your list. That hobby that you can get lost in – do more of that. Take a new hobby you’ve been considering. Research that ideal vacation spot and find out as much as you can about it. Start a file and decide to schedule the trip.

New beginnings are just a phrase to some that will fade in the first few weeks of the new year. If you genuinely want change and to break free from guilt, shame, worry and sadness over relationships you can’t control, commit to this strategy, and watch it unfold for you.

A Happy Story of Reconciliation

If you’ve read my story you know of my estrangement with a son and his family. You can read it at www.beckykolb.com/guide/download

We’ve had a relationship, but it was shallow and came to a head this past year when he admitted some things and finally agreed that it was broken. Toward the end of the year, we began texting and so I told him that I was confused about where things stood.

Hopefully, he made some progress in dealing with his own issues because he said that as far as he was concerned, we were good. I was happy that he had come to that place.

It’s a start and I’ll take it. New beginnings for a reconciled relationship between us.

Do you have a story to share? I would love to hear it. You can send it to me at becky@nullbeckykolb.com

Are you ready for new beginnings this year? Ones that go beyond a few weeks? I would love to help you if you’re stuck. Reach out to me at www.beckykolb.com/work-with-becky

Happy New Year and here’s to new beginnings.