Estrangement ushers in an inner critic that can wreak havoc with your mind. What if I told you that you could change that voice? As one who has experienced a considerable amount of estrangement, I know the inner critic and its ability to ruin a perfectly good day.

Should is a favorite word in its vocabulary. Its voice is powerful enough to reduce a grown woman to tears in seconds.

What if I told you how you can deflate the power of that inner critic faster than air leaves a balloon when popped? You have that power inside you, and I’ll help you discover exactly how to find it and reclaim the voice of truth and affirmation.

In today’s episode, you’ll learn how to:

So, let’s roll with it.

Estrangement: Shift Your Mindset

Interestingly, some women that I work with find it difficult to think positively about themselves. It’s so easy to judge yourself, make critical comments and believe that inner critic you hear.

I get it because that’s exactly what I did for many years. Estrangement is a way of compounding that negative voice.

And let’s face it, you’re hard on yourself, right? You find it easier to blame and criticize your actions and decisions than to give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

That may be due to the way you were treated growing up. Or it may be a toxic relationship you endured. Whatever the reasons, I want to give you permission to change that right now.

Because that negative self-talk you play in your head lies and it’s time to call it out.

I want you to think about the last 24 hours.

Give yourself a few minutes to really think about these questions and pause the podcast if you need to.

If you’re like me, you didn’t say one positive thing to yourself about you. The conversation went something like this.

I should have eaten healthier this morning.

I wish I hadn’t drunk that last glass of wine last night.

I deserved the disrespect.

I can’t believe I let that client slip away. It’s all my fault.

Sound familiar? The truth is it’s the narrative many women speak to themselves regularly. No wonder you feel down and discouraged.

As women, we deserve to be spoken to with love and respect and that must start with your conversation to yourself. Words are spoken based on our thoughts so maybe it’s time we carefully examine what we think about.

Think About the Things You Think About

I love the saying “think about the things you think about and the things you think about change.” But do you take time to really think about your thoughts?

What’s your default? What I mean is where does your mind go when it isn’t thinking about something specific?

Women with estrangement often think about the person with whom they are estranged. You may find yourself thinking some of these thoughts:

And once you allow your mind to dwell on that default thought process, the spiral is downward.

I want to challenge you to pay attention to your thoughts for the next 12 hours. Where does your mind go when it isn’t focused on your job or your kids or your education?

You’ll see a pattern and then you’ll easily discern your default narrative. You can then plan an all-out assault on the inner critic that threatens to destroy your peace.

The Inner Critic Will Feel the Heat

Now that you are aware of your thoughts and the words you speak to yourself either silently or aloud, you’re ready to put some power into disabling the hurtful narrative.

Truth is a powerful force when confronting a lie. And the critic within is an expert liar who wants to keep you imprisoned in falsehoods about you.

So, let’s look at some of those truths. When I was in the height of the emotional pain from estrangement, I believed all the lies I told myself. And I believed that everything others said about me must be true.

Women can generalize rather than speak specifically. For example, consider a statement you might make to yourself about an estranged relationship.

If a family member rejected you, you may feel that all people reject you. That isn’t true, but it’s an easy lie to believe.

The truth is that you are a wonderful person, capable of giving and receiving love. You have good relationships. You have gifts and talents that are unique to you.

I chose to open my Bible to read what God said about me. I grew up going to Church but estranged relationships and judgments by some who were Christian caused me to close the door on that part of my life.

When I decided to put my toes in the water again, I was awestruck about what I read. The truth jumped off the pages as I read that God said I was:

This is all backed up in scripture and I felt like I was reading a fairy tale. Could God really feel this way about me? Hadn’t he judged me like others? Wasn’t I a failure in his eyes?

Friend, I want to encourage you to open your mind to the truth of who you are no matter what’s happened in your life. Guilt and shame may plague you, but you are not who others have labeled you.

Spend some time reflecting on who you really are and make a list of the fine attributes that are uniquely yours!

That truth alone is enough to silence that inner critic. Speak those attributes aloud and believe them.

Let those truths really sink into your inmost being. Wrap the truth around your beautiful soul and feel the warm embrace.

Learn to Speak a New Language About Estrangement

It’s time to silence the old voice. You’ve considered the narrative that you speak to yourself. You’ve thought about things you think about and have identified the default when your mind is idle. You now know the truth about who you are.

It’s time to learn to speak a new language – one that will give power to change your life. Even amid estranged relationships.

Earlier, I mentioned that women don’t often praise themselves. Well, it’s time to consider journaling some truths so you can digest a new meal to feed yourself.

You can start with the truths you learn about who you are. Dust off your Bible or google what God says about you in scripture. Or if you aren’t ready for that, jot down some truths about your gifts and talents.

Remember when you thought about the things you think about? Take those one by one and write them down. Then ask yourself if that statement is true?

I’ll bet 100% of them are false. Cross through the statement and write a truthful rebuttal next to it.

Here’s an example. You may say “I’m fat and I can’t lose weight.” The truth is that you are over the weight you want to be, and you have absolute power and control to do something about it.

You have the power to succeed or fail.
No one else has that power over you.
So, stop giving it to anyone but you.

In my estranged relationships, I would falsely say there is no hope of this relationship changing. It’s lost forever. The truth is I had no idea if reconciliation or restoration would occur, but there is always hope.

And now I know there were strategies that I could use to both keep that hope and accept where it was simultaneously.

I am not saying that your relationships will reconcile or that you even have that desire. Some may never reconcile and shouldn’t. But I am saying that your life will improve, and you’ll find a happier relationship with yourself that will parlay into better ones with others.

Are You Ready to Silence That Inner Critic and Learn to Love You?

I know how difficult it can be. I also know the rewards of investing in yourself. If you don’t who will? Don’t let the false narrative in your mind keep you imprisoned.

As part of my coaching women with estranged relationships, we work together to discover mindset shifts that are needed to help you move forward.

We’ll explore strategies to change your language to bring more joy to your daily life. And that will bring the peace you seek and deserve.

I know you’re worth it. Do you? Let’s have a conversation to see where I can help.

Until next time – Remember you’re a beautiful and amazing woman!

TOPIC: Podcast