Do you wonder how God works for you in estrangement or whether he is even aware or cares? You feel like you are in the crucible with pressures mounting, emotions melting and triggers exploding.

And you wonder how God could allow something so painful to linger with this person that you love. Why is their heart so hardened? These are questions that I’ve asked and I’m sure you have as well.

Today let’s consider what God is saying to you in these intense emotional days and months. I’ll share a story that I think you’ll relate to about being in the crucible and the amazing work that God is doing in you right now.

Ask God to open your spiritual ears and eyes and let’s dive in.

Refiner’s Fire

A story relayed to me years ago stuck and I often think of it when going through intense emotional times. It’s a story of how gold is refined.

Called the refiner’s fire, gold is thrown into the cauldron that is extremely hot. The fire has to be intense to melt the gold. As it begins to melt, the heat goes up. The lump of gold becomes liquid, and the refiner continues to intensify the heat until it is completely melted.

That’s when the impurities rise to the surface and are removed. However, the refiner looks into the gold and doesn’t see his reflection clearly and you know what happens?

Yep, the fire is increased even more and hidden debris rises and is removed. This process repeats until the refiner can look into the pot of gold and see his reflection clearly. It is then that he knows it is pure and ready for use.

Are you in the Crucible Now?

Pressures mount, tears flow and you wrestle with God about all the things going on in your life. Estrangement is one of many issues you are facing. As you pray you begin to wonder if God is even listening. Prayers go unanswered.

Doing your best to move on and deal with life in a healthy manner, you frankly struggle. The why questions begin.

Oh, I’ve asked all of those questions through tears and anguish.

If that’s where you are today, consider that God has you right where he wants you. That thought was sobering to me. Really? Does God want me to suffer amid this intense emotional and painful time? That’s a hard one to accept, but yes, he may.

It may be the very place where you finally surrender and let him have all of you so that he can begin a new work in your heart.

How God Works for you in Estrangement

No one likes being in the fire. It’s hot. The pressure intensifies and there is no relief. Sometimes, our stubborn pride is so strong that the only way God can get our attention is through the hardships and struggles that grow.

Estranged relationships create so much pain. Pride keeps people from seeking forgiveness as they mount an arsenal against the other person for what they’ve done. If your estrangement is with a child, you may be waging war with the other parent or someone that is fueling the distance between you.

While that is understandable, it isn’t going to move you forward.

Years ago, I prayed this prayer. God, why can’t you change their heart? I know you want peace, forgiveness, healing, and restoration. That’s also what I want. So why isn’t that happening? Nothing is too hard for you. Why are you allowing this to go on?

And what I sensed him saying nearly knocked me off my chair! “I can change their heart, my dear. But first, I need to change yours.

Adjusting to a Changed Heart

Stunned is the only word that works here. Wasn’t I the one praying for reconciliation? What was wrong with my heart? Why did God need to work on me?

Can you hear the bitterness and resentment? The message was clear. I needed to surrender my whole heart to Jesus and allow him – the Refiner – to use the pressures and heat to change me.

You see, in estrangement, it’s never about the other person. It’s about you and me. We have no control over what others do or say. Gossip, false accusations and hostility. You can’t change that. But you can allow God to change you.

And when you do, the impurities will rise, and God will siphon them off bringing you more into alignment with his grace and love.

Conversely, when you resist, the pressure continues as the heat intensifies. It’s not for punishment. It’s because he loves you and wants you to surrender so that he can change you and give you the peace you seek.

Surrender and Grow in Estranged Relationships

As you see how God works for you in estrangement, you’ll sense his deep and abiding love for you. No matter what caused the estranged relationship, he is the expert healer and he desires reconciliation. But that can’t be forced. The other person may or may not ever change or see the value you have on the relationship.

No matter what they decide, your heart can be free as you surrender your emotions and struggles to the one who knows you better than anyone else. The one who loves you more than anyone.

Suffering can be used for healing. When turned over to God, he will not allow it to be wasted. The lessons you will learn. The growth that takes place in your heart. The peace. And prayerfully, reconciliation one day.

 

Are You Ready to see how God Works for You in Estrangement?

God spoke to me clearly that day when I begged him to change the hearts of others. It was my heart he was after. And it’s yours too.

Are you ready to surrender your pain to him?

Will you trust him with your heart and allow him to remold it?

God is trustworthy, even if others have failed you. Your father or mother abandoned you and you’ve never felt you could trust anyone. God is speaking to you today. He’s telling you that he is faithful and he’s calling you to surrender your heart – to trust him with it.

And I’m living proof that you can. If you’ll just open your heart, surrender your pain and emotions and ask him to begin a new work in you. He’ll show up and do just that.

I’ll end today asking you a question. What is it that you want to hear? When you sit behind a microphone, you hope that you’re speaking to the needs of your audience. That’s a prayer that I pray before I do a podcast.

So, help me out and let me know what it is that you want to hear with regard to estrangement and relationships? How can I better serve you with a topic that resonates?

You can always reach out to me at becky@nullbeckykolb.com or on my website at www.beckykolb.com/contact

I’ll be checking those often.

That’s it for today. Until next time – Remember you’re a beautiful and amazing woman! And God is calling you to surrender your pain and emotions to him. He’s got you!

TOPIC: Podcast